The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Rep. Liz Cheney, who's on the Jan. 6 Committee and has been outspoken about Trump's defeat in the election, lost her primary race to a challenger he endorsed. Trump was so excited, he threw a ticker-tape parade made out of classified documents!

CDC Director Rochelle Walensky said that the agency ... didn't respond quickly enough to the pandemic. They might be on to something because everyone was like, "I'm sorry, which of the current pandemics are you referring to?"

[Delivered by co-host Demi Lovato] Airbnb wants to stop big gatherings at houses, so they're rolling out new, anti-party technology. In a related story: Airbnb just went out of business.

Scientists are working to bring back the Tasmanian Tiger, which went extinct almost 100 years ago [in 1936]. Scientists were like, "we brought back Taco Bell's Mexican Pizza, we can bring this back, too!"

I read that Kim Jong-un and Vladimir Putin have been exchanging letters vowing to strengthen their ties against the U.S. Oh man, you know that irks Trump. It's like hearing your two best friends are hanging out behind your back.

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

The ongoing search [of Mar-a-Lago] was tied to "whether [Trump] took classified records from the White House to his Florida residence." Spoiler: he did. ... He incited an insurrection, he extorted Ukraine, he put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop, he put the ram in the rama lama ding dong, then made the rama lama ding dong sign an NDA!

The FBI's dress code for the [Mar-a-Lago raid] event was indictment casual. A handful of agents went in suits, "but most wore T-shirts" and "cargo pants." Yeah, so good luck getting your dad to change his outfit now!

Right after the FBI raid, the term "civil war" started trending on Twitter, which can only mean one thing: the civil war is dating Pete Davidson.

[Rudy] Giuliani has been ordered "to testify before [a] grand jury" in Fulton County [Georgia] next week. Oh, you gotta feel bad for Georgia. First, the devil went down there and now they've gotta get a visit from Rudy? At least they're both great at fiddlin'.

Jimmy Kimmel Live! with Lamorne Morris

Guillermo, did you watch the new "Game of Thrones" show last night? ... It's called "House of the Dragon." Now, when I first heard that title I thought, "Man, the Chinese restaurant on my block is finally getting its own TV show!"

Ever since the FBI searched his house a couple weeks ago, downloads of Trump's Truth Social app have skyrocketed. I tried to sign up for Truth Social just to see what all the fuss was about ... but when I uploaded my profile picture, I got this error message. It says, "You're not one of the good ones." And also: "Please upload a brighter photo." I'm not their type, apparently.

Since [Donald Trump] left office, the government has recovered more than 300 classified documents from Trump's house. Now, it's amazing they would let Trump walk away with hundreds of classified documents. Meanwhile, the one time I accidentally took home a "New Girl" script with some spoilers in it, Zooey Deschanel showed up at my front door and threatened to stab me with a ukulele.

All of this [Jan. 6/Trump] stuff is on us, you know? Because trusting Donald Trump with our secrets is like asking R. Kelly to babysit.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

First lady Dr. Jill Biden apologized ... after she said that the Latino community is "as unique as the breakfast tacos here in San Antonio." Said Biden in her apology: "I'm as sorry as the breakfast tacos at Taco Bell."

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez reportedly got married over the weekend [of Aug. 20], because right now, that's the only way a Red Sox fan can get a win in the Bronx.

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz announced recently that the coffee chain will close 16 stores due to rising crime. The most egregious crime? Waiting until you're at the front of the line before looking at the menu.

The fast food restaurant Subway recently changed the names of several of its sandwiches, including switching the name of the meatball marinara to "The Boss," as opposed to what's usually called "the boss" at Subway: a 16-year-old kid.

LEGO recently announced that they will release a new set based on the sitcom "The Office." Though, if your kid wants that, bad news: they're a Dwight.

Producers have announced that a reboot of the procedural "Criminal Minds" will air on the streaming service Paramount . So if you're a big fan of detective work, try and figure out how to watch Paramount .