Late Laughs for the week of September 11 - 17

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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

In recent weeks, [Republican politician Doug] Mastriano has come under fire for his association with "the far-right social media platform Gab, a safe haven for white supremacists, anti-Semites and other extremists." So, it's like Twitter, except — yeah, it's Twitter. It's like Twitter.


Apparently, the FBI raid [on Mar-a-Lago] was all part of an ongoing investigation launched by the National Archives and Records Administration. That's right, [Trump]'s going to get taken down by the librarians! They're coming for you, baby! They're organized, they know where everything is and you never know which way they're coming because they're so quiet.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Thanks to some big wins in Congress, falling gas prices and a stronger economy, President Biden's approval rating has surged three points. That's it?! That's like donating a kidney and getting a text back that says "thx."


When Netflix rolls out their cheaper plan ... you get: commercial breaks; no downloads; when you try to hit "Skip Intro," it says "Nah"; "Stranger Things" is just the Jonathan scenes; each month they send you a cheese sandwich from the Fyre Festival documentary; when you're with your parents, it automatically plays the show "How to Build a Sex Room"; and finally, it automatically shares your password with all of your exes.


Some big sports news: 37-year-old Lebron James just agreed to a two-year, $97-million contract extension with the Los Angeles Lakers. Thirty-seven isn't that old, but in Los Angeles, he's 150.


According to new research, standing desks can improve your well-being and reduce stress at the office. However, listening to your co-worker talk about their standing desk does the complete opposite.


A Canadian politician named Doug Ford was giving a speech when he was interrupted by a bee. ... And right now, that's the biggest political scandal in Canada.


Jimmy Kimmel Live! with Nicole Byer

I'm your guest host, Nicole Byer. I'm an actress and standup comedian. I host four podcasts, as well as "Wipeout" on TBS and "Nailed It" on Netflix ... [I'm in] "Grand Crew" on NBC and yet, somehow, Jimmy [Kimmel] is the one who needs a vacation.


At least one case of polio has been reported in New York City, and health experts believe it could end up here in L.A. very soon. So, that's fun, right? How is polio making a comeback? Polio feels like a disease that you should only be able to catch in a black-and-white movie. Didn't we get rid of polio in, like, the '50s? Why can't we bring back the fun stuff from the '50s, like potato sack races [and] smoking on airplanes?


Papa Johns is stripping the toppings off their pizza for a weird new dish. They're called "Papa Bowls," which are just loose pizza toppings and cheese — with no crust. ... These are perfect for people who love pizza but wish eating it made them feel like a feral raccoon.


According to a new study, there has never been a worse time to be a single man: "Younger and middle-aged men are the loneliest they've been in generations." ... Now that I think about it, we can't have all these depressed straight guys on the loose; that's how insurrections happen. And murders. And podcasts!


Not only is it harder to meet someone right now, it's also more expensive. New research found that 42% of singles have started going on cheaper dates because the cost of living has gotten so high. ... Here in L.A., one of the go-to moves is to ask a woman out for a hike, which is, like, not OK. We're dating; we're not Lewis and Clark discovering Montana.


Late Night With Seth Meyers

Republican Congressman Matt Gaetz spoke over the weekend [earlier this summer] at the conservative Turning Point USA's Student Action Point in Florida. Said Gaetz: "You had me at student."


Elon Musk reportedly had an affair with Google co-founder Sergey Brin's wife that resulted in Brin cashing out on his investments in Musk's company. Musk broke the cardinal rule: don't ever mess with a guy who knows how to check your Gmail.


A couple in the U.K. recently had a "Back to the Future" (1985) movie-themed wedding, including a replica of the DeLorean and the creepiest mother/son dance you've ever seen.


After singer Adele canceled her Las Vegas residency dates at Caesar's Palace earlier this year, she told her fans yesterday she was "heartbroken to have to cancel them." On the bright side, that probably means you'll hear a couple of new songs.


According to the latest numbers, this year over 48 million tourists are expected to visit New York City, which explains why that Times Square Dora [the Explorer] just bought a yacht.


First lady Dr. Jill Biden was heckled last week outside of a Connecticut ice cream shop, but that's what you get when you order rum raisin.


Newark, New Jersey, set a record [Sunday, July 25] after reaching its fifth day straight of reaching temperatures over 100 degrees. It was so hot in New Jersey, you could bake a ziti on the sidewalk!