Late Laughs for the week of May 8 - 14

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The Late Late Show With James Corden

Tomorrow [April 6] an FDA advisory committee will be meeting to discuss the timing of future COVID boosters. ... We know more of them are coming, we just don't know when we're going to get them. Booster shots are basically like Avatar movies.


Scientists now say a chemical compound found in broccoli and other leafy greens has been shown to slow the growth of COVID-19 as well as other common-cold viruses. I cannot wait to take on the world armed with this new information that vegetables are good for you!


A dentist in Wisconsin has been convicted of intentionally breaking his patients' teeth so he could get paid to fix them, and he made millions of dollars doing this. This would be like if your therapist started every session by saying that everybody hates you and you're a stupid little dork.


In honor of the queen's Platinum Jubilee weekend in June, British pubs will be allowed to stay open two hours later than usual. As if pubs closing ever stopped Brits from drinking. They're doing this mostly because it's fun listening to drunk people try to say "Platinum Jubilee."


The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

[Tesla CEO Elon] Musk has already made $800 million on his Twitter investment. $800 million is the most money ever made off Twitter without selling pictures of your feet.


Tennessee has introduced a bill that would eliminate age requirements for marriage. ... If this bill goes into effect, Tennesseans of any age could be common-law married, which is extra wild considering that under current Tennessee law, it's already legal to get married as young as 17. OK, that's way too young to get married. It's also too young to vote, rent a car and too young to -- and this is true -- operate a deli slicer at a grocery store. Call me old-fashioned, but I say: "No matrimony till you slice baloney."


Before you pay up and bring justice to Dr. Fauci for crimes of doing science, on its website, in fairly small font, they [the amateur jury organizers] clarify that America's Grand Jury [to indict Dr. Fauci] is a mock jury ... "It has no legal authority." Anti-vaxxers love it, but it doesn't do anything? It's the hydroxychloroquine of justice!


This afternoon [April 7] the UN General Assembly voted to suspend Russia's membership in the UN Human Rights Council. ... And if you think that's a little too little, a little too late, you're not alone. So does Pope Francis ... This week, Il Papa had some harsh words for the UN, saying, "In the ongoing war in Ukraine, we witness the impotence of the International Organizations of the United Nations." It's never a good sign when the celibate guy calls you impotent.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Today [April 5] Tiger Woods, who is still recovering from an injury that many thought would end his career, said that he plans to play this week at the Masters. ... People thought Tiger was done and now he's back! When he heard, Tom Brady was like, "Uh, kind of my thing but whatevs ..."


I read that after taking on criticism for their handling of the pandemic, the CDC has announced plans to revamp the agency. Oh, this feels like when Domino's ran those ads that said, "We know we suck and we're going to work on it." Remember that?


Jet Blue is offering to buy Spirit Airlines for $3.6 million. Right now Spirit is like, "Guys, we better open a bank account. I think it's time."


As bird flu continues to spread across the country, zoos are moving their birds inside to protect them from the virus. It's weird, right now all the birds are stuck inside making sourdough and watching "Tiger King."


Just in time for baseball season, Frito Lay is selling a new version of Cracker Jacks, called Cracker Jill. ... Yeah, so we can all stop worrying about gender equality, we did it!


Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Somehow, Spirit Halloween has inspired a movie. Strike Back Studios and HideOut Pictures are teaming up to make a "Spirit Halloween" film. Two companies thought this was a good idea! Maybe they figure if they go broke, they can turn their offices into Spirit Halloween stores. ... But what do I know? The most popular TV show on Netflix right now is called "Is it Cake?"


In our nation's capital, there are conclusions being drawn about whether our crazy ex-president committed crimes while in office related to the attacks on Jan. 6. ... He's the presidential equivalent of the Tinder Swindler. They could at least ban him from the Oscars for 10 years, right?


Late Night With Seth Meyers

According to a new survey, 16% of Americans live in the same city or town that they grew up in. The other 84% have them muted on Facebook.


A restaurant in Florida reportedly canceled a dinner reservation recently after discovering the gathering was a going away party for a Capitol rioter who was sentenced to prison. Alright, but don't be shocked if they show up anyway!


Authorities in Florida announced yesterday that they arrested six men who allegedly stole thousands of dollars of gasoline from several gas stations. They would have gotten away, but thousands of dollars of gasoline was still only like a quarter tank.


Ivanka Trump reportedly met yesterday with the House committee investigating the January attack on the Capitol for nearly eight hours. Oh my God, you guys, she did it! She worked an eight-hour day!


Former president Trump yesterday [April 6] officially endorsed Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene for re-election, and said she is "a warrior who doesn't back down and doesn't give up." Basically all the same reasons she's banned from Target.