The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

I read that the second season of "Bridgerton" set a Netflix record for opening-weekend views. Yup, Netflix said they're going to celebrate the only way they know how: by raising subscription fees.

The vacuum company Dyson is coming out with their own noise-canceling headphones that have a built-in air purifier ... Dyson?! [It] looks more like Beats by Bane. It's kind of cool, you're just one visor away from being in Daft Punk.

[April 3] was the 64th Grammy Awards, which means 64 years of parents watching, like, "Who leaves the house dressed like that?!"

I read that thanks to the ongoing bird flu outbreak, the cost of eggs is surging in grocery stores across the country. ... And that's not the only problem the bird flu is causing. Apparently, Costco is facing supply shortages of its rotisserie chickens. And now I'm wondering what came first: the chicken shortage or the egg shortage?

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

COVID is still out there, and last week over half of the new cases were Omicron BA.2, which some call "stealth Omicron," which I call B.S. on. Something can't be stealth if we're detecting it everywhere. That's the viral equivalent of a ninja wearing a road-work vest.

At this point, there are so many sanctions on Russia that we might run out of places to put them. We're going to have to start sanctioning them in the multiverse. They're going to have to block transactions from Russian banks in the dimension where Spider-Man is still Tobey Maguire.

After years of tweeting silly memes and bad takes, while at the same time criticizing Twitter's business practices, [Tesla CEO Elon] Musk bought a 9.2% stake in Twitter, making him the largest single shareholder. Wait a second! So, if he doesn't like how a corporation operates he just buys it?! How much more evidence do we need that he's turning into a supervillain? "What?! Guac is extra? Then this Chipotle is now MINE. Muahaha!"

The Late Late Show With James Corden

[President Joe] Biden has ordered the release of a record one million barrels of oil from the national strategic reserve —per day! — for the next six months. That's a lot of oil! ... This is the third time Biden has tapped the reserves, but he insists they're not dating or anything, it's just strictly casual.

Blue Origin's fourth space tourism flight took place today, and unlike the previous trips, there were no famous people on board; just five wealthy space tourists and the ship's designer. ... But as the ancient Los Angeles proverb goes, "If there were no celebrities involved, did it even really happen?"

A company has just released the world's first toasted baseball bat-finished whiskey. It's true, the whiskey is aged for six years and then is finished for six weeks in barrels containing Hall of Famer David Ortiz's signature bats. I know — I don't care, either. The whiskey is aged for six years, which, coincidentally, is how I feel after watching a game of baseball.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

President Obama returned to the White House today for the first time since he left office. ... Obama was there celebrating the 12-year anniversary of the Affordable Care Act, Obama Care, and also to help Joe set up his Roku. ... [I]t was all great until the end when everyone gathered around Obama and there was no one for Joe. ... He was found two hours later wandering around the garden department at Lowe's.

[Marjorie Taylor Greene] is especially upset with the three Republican senators who have said they will vote "yes" on Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, who is nominated to the Supreme Court. She tweeted: "Murkowski, Collins and Romney are pro-pedophile. They just voted for #KBJ." Wow! Where is Will Smith when you really need him, huh?

Ukrainian President Zelenskyy made an appearance on the Grammys. He gave a heartfelt address to the audience. He said, "The silence of ruined cities and killed people. What is more opposite to music?" which is very profound. "What is more opposite to music?" I thought he was going to say Nickelback, but ...

Former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin is running for Congress now in a special election. Trump issued a statement: "Sarah Palin is tough and smart and will never back down." Even for Trump, it's impressive to fit three lies into an 11-word sentence.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

Intelligence officers reportedly believe that Russian President Vladimir Putin has only recently learned how poorly the invasion of Ukraine has been going and is angry with his military advisers. And you can tell he's upset, because now the table is even longer!

The 64th annual Grammy Awards were held last night [April 3] and featured a pre-recorded video from Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy. And I've got to say, as a 48-year-old man, I was just happy to see someone at the Grammy's whose name I knew.

The House on Friday [April 1] passed a bill to legalize marijuana, largely along party lines. Then Don [Trump] Jr. got excited because he thought they had legalized "party lines."

The media company BuzzFeed over the weekend shut down its news app. There were many reasons for the move, and No. 7 will shock you!

An environmental group said in a new report that it cleaned up more than half a million pieces of trash last year from New Jersey beaches, including a fake eyeball. Wow! I am shocked -- that it was fake!