Late Laughs for the week of Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

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Late Night With Seth Meyers

At an event at the White House last week [Feb. 2] celebrating the 30th anniversary of the Family and Medical Leave Act, former president Bill Clinton said that he has more people bring up this law than "any other specific thing he did." Well, I don't know. I feel like it's the second. That's like O.J. saying most people bring up his Hertz commercials.


In honor of Valentine's Day, the restaurant chain Cracker Barrel has launched a new contest that'll give five couples free food for a year if they get engaged at the restaurant. Also doing a promotion for newly engaged couples at Cracker Barrel: divorce attorneys.


The Pentagon said yesterday [Feb. 6] that the military failed to detect three Chinese spy balloons over the continental U.S. during the Trump administration due to a[n] "awareness gap" and because, after the eclipse, Trump wasn't allowed to look in the sky anymore.


"Yellowstone" actor Kevin Costner is reportedly considering leaving the series to focus on directing a new film. Said your dad, "But, you know, other than that, I'm fine. Alright, here's your mom."


President Biden delivered his second State of the Union address last night [Feb. 7] and spoke for 73 minutes, which sounds like a lot. But, I feel like Biden could speak for 73 minutes to a wrong number.


Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene posted a video to Twitter yesterday showing herself trying to bring a large, white balloon as a guest to the State of the Union. And you know, I didn't know who she'd bring as a guest, but I knew they'd be white.


North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was joined on stage yesterday [Feb. 8] by his nine-year-old daughter at a military parade unveiling the country's new missiles. So, I guess Bring Your Daughter to Work Day has officially jumped the shark.


New York Congressman Nick LaLota referred to fellow Republican representative George Santos during an interview yesterday [Feb. 8] as a "sociopath," which, ironically, is the only thing not on his resume.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Last night [Feb. 5] was the 65th annual Grammy Awards, and I love the Grammys. Where else can you see Beyoncé and Taylor Swift together? You know? Ticketmaster's like, "We can't even make one of those things happen."


Over the weekend [Feb. 4], U.S. military fighter jets shot down a Chinese spy balloon over the Atlantic Ocean, and this is fun: instead of a medal, the pilot who popped the balloon got to pick any stuffed animal on the top shelf. ... Yeah, the balloon floated from Montana to South Carolina. Somehow it got across the country faster than someone flying Southwest. 


Earlier tonight [Feb. 7], President Biden delivered the State of the Union address. Of course, Democrats spent most of the night clapping for Biden. It wasn't for anything he said. They were just trying to keep him awake. They were like, "Alright, hey ... hey! Come on." It was a tough night for all of Biden's staffers watching from the White House, because every time people clapped, the lights went on and off.


Last night [Feb. 7], LeBron James made NBA history by breaking Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's all-time scoring record. Great job, LeBron! Yeah, it turns out everyone applauding at Biden's State of the Union was just secretly watching LeBron on their phone.


The U.S. has examined recovered pieces of the Chinese spy balloon, and today [Feb. 9] they announced that it had technology to monitor our communications. When they heard that, Siri and Alexa were like, "Oh no, that's our job. Come on." Yeah, they were tracking all of our communications, including phone calls and text messages. ... Meanwhile, AT&T told their customers, "Relax, they can't spy on you if you can't get a signal."


Today [Feb. 9], a top Southwest Airlines executive testified before Congress over the holiday travel meltdown. And just to mess with him, right when he showed up for his hearing, Congress cancelled it. Yeah, he said the problem is solved, but I'm not sure I believe him: he flew to D.C. on JetBlue.


This Sunday [Feb. 12] is Super Bowl LVII, between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Philadelphia Eagles. Yep, the players have dreamed of this their whole lives and, this weekend, they finally get to see Rihanna. ... This year's Super Bowl will be watched in 180 countries. Well, 179 now that we took out the Chinese spy balloon.


The Late Late Show With James Corden

According to reports, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy personally requested that Biden not use the phrase "extreme MAGA Republicans" during the State of the Union address. He asked Biden to please use a more inclusive term like "insurrectionist Americans." This is very much like McCarthy's run for House Speaker: if he doesn't get what he wants, he's going to ask 14 more times until he does.


Republican Marjorie Taylor Greene kept standing up and booing the president throughout the speech [Feb. 7], at one point even yelled, "liar." Out of force of habit, George Santos immediately jumped up and was like, "No, I'm not."


President Biden travelled to Tampa, Florida, for a speech today [Feb. 9] where he argued that voters can't trust Republicans to protect Social Security and Medicare. The president wrapped up his speech mid-afternoon, otherwise known in Florida as "dinner time." You know, Biden, he wasn't even supposed to be there; he wasn't supposed to go, but once he turned 80, he just instinctively started migrating south to Florida.