Late Laughs for the week of June 27 - July 3, 2021

« Back to Talk


A Little Late with Lilly Singh

When it comes to body shaming, I have to talk about heroes like Lizzo, someone who's been so vocal and outspoken about her workout routine and about her eating habits but still gets comments online that are toxic. ... Megan Thee Stallion also had some insightful things to say about body image when she said, "Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody ..."


I never got "the talk." You know, the talk about the "birds and the bees"? My mom was just like, "Why are the birds hanging with the bees, huh? They should be focusing on their exams!"


During the pandemic, OnlyFans popularity exploded. Just in the first month of lockdown, OnlyFans membership went up 75% as unemployment was rising. Well, I mean, at least some people were hard at work.


Talking about sex work can take away the stigma attached to the profession and it can help people who are in need. ... So, let's get back to shaming people for stuff that matters, OK? Like coughing in public.


The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

It's a big day for America, because after years of agonizing wait, finally, J-Lo and Ben Affleck are back together. ... At last, someone can make my movie, "'Batman V. Gigli': This time nobody wins."


[The Washington Post] is the journalistic powerhouse that brought down Nixon with their Watergate reporting and won a Pulitzer for how they exposed the last president's shady business deals. So, what has the "democracy dies in darkness" paper dug up on Joseph R. Biden?: "Biden's preferred lunch is a soup and salad — usually a chopped salad with grilled chicken — and he is partial to orange Gatorade and Coke Zero."


One longtime adviser disclosed that [Biden] "has the tastes of a five-year-old." Meaning it is possible he chose Pete Buttigieg as transportation secretary because he couldn't have Thomas the Tank Engine. Though honestly, same basic vibe.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Today the White House announced that President Biden will have his first one-on-one meeting with Vladimir Putin on June 16. It's a nice reminder that after a year in quarantine, you're going to have to see some people you don't like.


Half of all adults in America are now fully vaccinated ... while the other half uses Facebook.


Mike and Karen Pence just bought a new house right outside of Indianapolis. At first, Karen thought the house was haunted, but it was just Mike stepping out of the shower.


Gas is so expensive, this morning when I filled up, a guy in a tux was like, "Might I recommend the Sunoco '92?"


The Late Late Show with James Corden

Lego has just unveiled its largest toy set ever. It's a world map that contain 11,695 pieces. If you step on one of those pieces in the middle of the night, that scream will be heard all over the world.


K-pop group BTS and McDonald's have just joined up to release a new line of merchandise, which includes hoodies, socks, flip-flops and even a purple bathrobe. ... I was actually way ahead; I was wearing McDonald's on my clothes for most of quarantine.


Biden has set a Memorial Day deadline for reaching a bipartisan deal [regarding his infrastructure plan]. Biden wants this thing over and done by Memorial Day because, let's face it, Uncle Joe's Five-Alarm Blue Ribbon Chili ain't going to cook itself!


Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Of all the many Memorial Day messages from presidents Obama, Clinton, Biden, Bush and even Trump, none stood out more than a tweet from Vanilla Ice, who wrote, "Happy memorial day happy because we have the freedom to have a backyard cookout, sports, and sharing smiles. Thanks to the soldiers. #HappyMemorialDay" Which is fine — it’s an OK message — were it not accompanied by [a] photo of a Ninja Turtle draped with the American flag. Thank you for your service, dudes!


Americans were back at the movies this weekend. ... Those who are fully vaccinated do not have to wear masks to the movies, but you don’t have to show proof. It’s done on the honor system, which has worked so well for movies for decades. I can’t even imagine sneaking into one of those!


Donald Trump made an interesting move today: he quit his own blog. His blog page, "From the Desk of Donald J. Trump," on his own website, has been permanently shut down. ... He was very excited about this blog for the first month after he was banned from Twitter, and now he’s just abandoning it. It’s a move he calls "The Eric."


Late Night with Seth Meyers

In a new interview, a doctor and clinical consultant for NASA said that sex in space would be difficult. When asked why, the doctor said, "Well, we've been married a long time."


According to a recent survey, the average American believes that they can survive for 16 days in the wilderness. Adding, "Wait, what's the Wi-Fi password?"


According to a new study, relocating wolves to areas with frequent car accidents caused by deer can reduce collisions by 24%. Which almost makes up for the 3,000% increase in wolf attacks.


Former baseball player Alex Rodriguez recently launched a line of concealer for men. And then men tried to put it on wedding rings.