Late Laughs for the week of July 30 - Aug. 6

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The Late Late Show With James Corden

The United Kingdom has a brand-new world record holder. A man in Britain has the strongest middle finger on earth. It's true. He lifted 285 pounds with just his middle finger. ... You know it's not that impressive when the moment you break a world record someone goes, "Brilliant!" What's the thinking here? Was he like, "I want to get in the best shape of my life ... I'm going to start small. I'm going to start with this finger right here."


According to reports, Queen Elizabeth overspent last year by nearly 15 million pounds. The money went on things like sprucing up Buckingham Palace for the Platinum Jubilee. ... One of the biggest expenses was William and Kate's visit to the Caribbean in March. It was over 200,000 pounds, all of which went on sunscreen for Prince William's head.


[James Bond franchise] producer Barbara Broccoli says they're going to totally reinvent the character, and it will be at least two years before they start shooting. In fact, they say the search for Daniel Craig's replacement hasn't even begun. ... Apparently, this Bond will be more progressive; it's a Bond for a new age. He's into meditating, conflict resolution and his pronouns are Shaken/Stirred.


The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Today was the last day of this year's Supreme Court session. It's been a real roller-coaster ride, in that I am nauseous and scared we're all going to die.


British Prime Minister Boris Johnson jested that G7 leaders could take their clothes off to "show that we're tougher than Putin." Oh my God, Boris, stop trying to start parties!


With contraception on the judicial cross-hairs, folks are taking their genitals into their own hands, with men rushing to get vasectomies — and then very slowly walking home from them. ... That makes sense: the most effective forms of birth control for men are abstinence and vasectomies. They have the same result but there's a vas deferens.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Millions of people are taking trips [during the July 4 weekend], and experts say it's going to be the busiest travel weekend in years. And, honestly, what's more American than an airport delay on the Fourth of July, you know what I'm saying? The TSA is already warning [of] delays up to two hours. [It] starts as a two-hour delay and the next thing you know, the gate agent's wishing you a happy Labor Day.


I saw that ... chicken is the No. 1 thing that people are grilling this summer, while the least popular thing is still your dad trying to give you the burger that fell on the charcoal.


Some drivers in New Jersey got an unexpected show when a truck that was hauling fireworks caught on fire. ... It was the first time someone was like, "Call 911 — in 15 minutes." It's the only time Waze has given direction to the traffic jam.


It was a big day in Washington as Justice Stephen Breyer retired and Ketanji Brown Jackson was sworn in as the newest Supreme Court justice. Justice Jackson made history as the first Black woman on the Supreme Court and the first person to make people cheer for the Supreme Court in the past two weeks.


Bed, Bath & Beyond is being accused of trying to save money by turning off the A/C in their stores. It's not a good sign when all the workers are passed out in the beds and baths. But the good news is, if you faint, you might finally get to experience "the beyond."


Jimmy Kimmel Live! with Chelsea Handler

There is a lot men can do to help women [following the overturning of Roe vs. Wade], like not creating laws that kill women. ... And if you get a woman pregnant, stop saying "we're" pregnant, OK. If you don't have to push a Christmas ham out of your Pikachu, you're not pregnant.


We did get at least one small piece of encouraging news today: it was Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson's first day on the Supreme Court. For the first time ever, there are now four women on the Supreme Court — five if you include that b---- Clarence Thomas!


Late Night With Seth Meyers

Today was the final day of the Supreme Court's current term and I've got to say, thank God! This must be how the [New York] Jets feel when halftime finally arrives.


Animal Control officers in Nebraska recently removed a Miller Lite can that was stuck on the head of a skunk. "God, that smell was awful," said the skunk.


A man in Idaho recently broke a Guinness World Record by walking nearly three and a half miles with a guitar balanced on his chin. The bad news: he's walking to your party.


New York Mayor Eric Adams announced this week that rat-proof trash cans will be installed around the city, transforming New York from a city full of rats to a city full of angry, starving rats!


In a new book, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas said that Americans seem to have lost interest in constitutional matters and added, "People tend to be more interested in their iPhones than their Constitution." Well, I think that's because the people who update the iPhone know what they're doing.