Late Laughs for the week of January 22 - 28, 2023

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Late Night With Seth Meyers

The House voted last week to pass legislation protecting same-sex marriages, because everyone deserves the right to be secretly unhappy.


Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass yesterday officially resigned from the House of Representatives, which means she's the only person in Los Angeles who doesn't have at least two gigs.


New York Mayor Eric Adams spoke today at the National Mathematics Improvement Project, but this is sad: he used the opportunity to promote division.


A cow in Virginia recently escaped from a trailer and crashed through the glass doors of an office ... oh, sorry, I read the punch line first. What's black and white and red all over?


The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Pantone has revealed that their 2023 color of the year is 'Viva Magenta,' which they say "merges the richness, warmth and strength of natural matters with the rich, open horizons of the digital world." Also known as "red."


French president Emmanuel Macron has announced that France will make condoms free in pharmacies for anyone up to age 25. Wow. They are really celebrating that World Cup win.


In museum news, the Ripley's Believe It or Not museum in Atlantic City [N.J.] is about to close. Apparently, the museum's founders failed to anticipate how many people would choose "Or Not."


On Tuesday [Dec. 6], Joey Chestnut dominated the Cleveland Cavaliers' pierogi-eating competition. There's a lot to unpack. First of all, Joey Chestnut is a competitive eater, most famous for the Nathan's Hot Dog Championship. And the Cavaliers are an NBA basketball team, and a pierogi-eating contest is a cry for help.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Instacart is now offering same-day delivery for Christmas trees. So remember to tip, because your delivery guy definitely has an axe.


New York just passed a law that makes all gift cards purchased in the state valid for at least nine years. You know you got someone the perfect gift card when it takes them eight and a half years to use it.


A new study found that people who wake up with an alarm clock are more tired than people who wake up naturally. Another reason people who use an alarm clock are tired: they have jobs.


I read that Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner cut ties with former president Trump because he's "losing value" and they don't need him anymore. Trump's not even upset. He's like, "The student has become the master."


Jimmy Kimmel Live!

We've learned that the official White House holiday ornament is for sale. This is a gingerbread White House ornament, it's $24.95, and I find it refreshing to see a White House encouraging people to hang something other than the vice-president.


Elon Musk announced that Twitter will soon increase their character limit from 280 characters to 4,000, and he'll be changing the name of the company to Facebook as well.


According to the National Retail Federation, most people would rather get a gift card than an actual gift. Fifty-four per cent of Americans say they prefer gift cards as a gift, which is a nice way of saying that last year 54 per cent of us blew it with the gifts.


The Late Late Show With James Corden

Earlier today [Dec. 12], Elon Musk relaunched Twitter Blue, where users pay a monthly fee for a blue checkmark, but this time, iPhone users are going to have to pay extra. ... The service will cost $8 a month on the web, or even $11 a month if purchased through the Apple app store. Or if you're a completely sane person, it will cost you zero dollars.


U.S. lawmakers have now introduced a bipartisan bill to ban TikTok. It's in response to concerns about the Chinese government having access to personal information through the app. The announcement of the TikTok legislation was decisive, bipartisan and, of course, lip-synced and perfectly choreographed.


According to a new study, one in four people say that they avoid cheese because it causes nightmares. Apparently 23 per cent of adults have experienced a bad dream after eating cheese. Cheese dreams, meat sweats, beer bellies ... it's called being an adult.