Late Laughs for the week of December 18 - 24, 2022

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Jimmy Kimmel Live!

When I was a kid, Thanksgiving was my least favorite holiday because there were no presents. But now I love Thanksgiving because there are no presents.


One of, if not the most anticipated release of the year, is the long-awaited sequel to "Avatar." It was very expensive — so expensive, director James Cameron says the movie needs to make $2 billion just to break even. I feel like you need Tom Cruise and Spider-Man fighting Harry Potter on the Death Star to make $2 billion.


We may actually, finally, maybe, get to see what Darth Tax Evader has been hiding from us. The Supreme Court today [Nov. 22] ruled against him. They denied Trump's request to stop Democrats in the House from examining his taxes. The ruling was unanimous; there were no dissents. You know it's bad when even Clarence Thomas is like, "I'm out, bro. You're on your own on this one."


Mashed potatoes are the second most popular side item, according to Campbell's. The soup people released what they call the State of the Sides report. The No. 1 most popular side item was stuffing, and the report also found that two-thirds of Americans prefer the side dishes to the main course, which, you hear that turkeys? We're killing you for fun.


The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

The homophobia there [at the FIFA World Cup in Qatar] is so extreme, we've heard reports that rainbow-wearing fans have been refused entry to the games. They're banning love and rainbows — basically, FIFA is the bad guy in a Care Bears movie.


Tomorrow [Nov. 24] is Thanksgiving! It's a special time, when we gather with family and friends to share our gratitude through America's traditional expression of love: the food coma.


In addition to inflation, a blight of avian flu means that Thanksgiving 2022 is shaping up to be a tough one for turkey. To be fair, I'm pretty sure every Thanksgiving is a tough one for turkey.


The day after you've shared your meal with family and friends, it's time for the next tradition: trampling them at Best Buy for a pair of Bluetooth headphones.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Recent polling shows that Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is closing the gap in a hypothetical 2024 matchup with former president Trump. This is how close DeSantis is: he's only five points away from Trump calling it rigged.


Today [Nov. 22] Dr. Fauci gave his final White House briefing before his retirement. He was like, "This is my last day, so if you want to inject bleach, go nuts."


I heard about a British fisherman who caught a goldfish that was over 60 pounds. ... The goldfish was like, "So I went a little overboard on Thanksgiving, OK? What, everyone's a judge?"


Elon Musk reportedly told Twitter employees that he's done laying people off and is now looking to start hiring. Elon knew he needed more people when he looked around the Twitter office and saw fewer than 280 characters.


Late Night With Seth Meyers

RNC chairwoman Ronna McDaniel reportedly told top Republican donors last week that the party needs to avoid factionalism and unify like a family. Ah yes, spoken like a person who's never been in a family.


After missing eight games, the Brooklyn Nets yesterday [Nov. 22] allowed Kyrie Irving to return to the team after apologizing for posting a link to an antisemitic documentary. It's a miracle: his suspension was only supposed to last for one game, but it lasted eight.


Rapper Snoop Dogg recently launched a pet accessory line called Snoop Doggie Doggs, which includes plush toys, bowls and leashes. Even crazier, he hadn't done that already.


According to a new survey, 11 per cent of Americans said that they find the sound of a baby's laugh relaxing, while the other 89 per cent said, "Oh, damn it, the baby's awake."


The Late Late Show With James Corden

KFC in South Korea has introduced a chicken dipping sauce with one of the country's most popular current flavors. We're not making this up, the flavor is mint chocolate. Look at that color. I don't know whether to eat it or paint my kitchen with it.


A team of robotic engineers has created battery-powered shoes. They're called Moonwalkers and they can apparently boost your walking speed by two and a half times. I don't know where that man is headed so fast in those shoes, but it's definitely not to a date.


CBS News announced today [Nov. 22] that after a forensic review, the [Hunter Biden] laptop data appears to be genuine. Perfect. Just in time for your Thanksgiving dinner conversations.


The fashion brand Balenciaga is under fire today [Nov. 22] after advertising teddy bears dressed in bondage attire. A lot of people are upset about this; it seems strange to be upset by these bears when Winnie the Pooh hasn't worn anything from the waist down for 90 years.