Late Laughs for the week of August 26 - September 1, 2018

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Late Night With Seth Meyers

Dunkin' Donuts is now selling its first ever gluten-free product. It's called a "cup."


Alaska Airlines apologized today to a gay couple after asking one of them to move so that a straight couple could sit together. Meanwhile, Spirit Airlines apologized for, quote, "All of it."


According to The New York Times, Ivanka Trump, like President Trump, is said to hold grudges. Well, you know what they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the orange.


MTV has announced it's working on a new reality show with Lindsay Lohan. Well, she's been working on it for years -- MTV just decided to start filming it.


President Trump traveled to Tampa, Fla., today and visited a technical high school. Said Trump: "I also went to high school technically."


Fifty years ago today, Charles Schulz, the creator of the comic strip "Peanuts," introduced the comic's first black character, named Franklin. Which Marcie immediately reported to the police.


At a rally in Florida last night, President Trump falsely claimed that a photo ID is required to buy groceries in the United States. Dude, what you eating for dinner? Rental cars?


The New York Mets suffered their worst loss in franchise history last night, losing to the Washington Nationals 25-4. It was so bad that even the ceremonial first pitch was hit for a triple.


The New York Mets lost to the Washington Nationals 25-4. It was so embarrassing, Mr. Met switched jerseys in the third inning.


The USDA has issued a health alert over premade salads and wraps sold at Walgreens due to concerns they may be contaminated with an intestinal parasite. So, if you're buying your meals at Walgreens, I have even more bad news.


Today was National Girlfriends Day, so don't forget to send her $130,000.


According to Axios, during discussions about renewable energy, President Trump has more than once declared to administration officials, quote, "I hate the wind." Which is bad news for his lawyer, who also blows.

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

Facebook is working on a "talent show" feature that would let users record themselves singing and then upload their videos for comments. Facebook even has a catchy name for it: "YouTube."


Alex Trebek is hinting that he might retire from "Jeopardy!" in 2020. When asked what he'll do in retirement, Trebek said, "What is start drinking at noon?"


President Trump now says that he'd be willing to meet with the president of Iran. After Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin, Trump said it's the last meeting he needs to win "Dictator Bingo."


Giuliani has been doing lots of interviews trying to defend President Trump with the Russia investigation. Today he said that collusion isn't illegal. Even Trump was like, "Why can't this guy think before he speaks?"


Trump said he'd be willing to meet with Iran's President Hassan Rouhani "any time they want." In response, Putin said, "If you're trying to make me jealous ... it's working."


Police in Maine just pulled over a man who drove a scooter all the way from Massachusetts using his cellphone as a headlight. Police had a lot of questions, mainly, "How'd you get your battery to last that long?!"


A man in Tampa was spotted wandering around in public rambling incoherent nonsense about the government. Even crazier, that man was our president.


President Trump held a giant rally in Tampa last night with thousands of people in attendance. The crowd was very diverse. It was half white, half Caucasian.


Apple is close to becoming the first U.S. company worth over $1 trillion. Then Americans looked at their drawers filled with old iPods, and said, "Yep. Seems about right."


Last night, the New York Mets lost to the Washington Nationals, 25-4. Or, as Mets fans put it, "Sweet. We scored four runs. Awesome."


The Late Late Show With James Corden

In anticipation of a two-week highway shutdown, the Oregon Department of Transportation released a traffic jam playlist. Or, what we call here in Los Angeles, a playlist.


Recently, couples in Montana competed in the first ever Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying Championship. This is a competition where husbands carry their wives on their backs through an obstacle course. The only requirements to compete are that you must be married and it must not be going well.


Today, Europe's highest court ruled that Nestlé cannot patent the break-apart shape of its Kit Kat chocolate bar. Kit Kat responded to the verdict saying, "Give me a break."


A recent government report revealed that a California DMV employee fell asleep at her desk for up to three hours a day and this went on for nearly four years. She fell asleep at her desk for three hours a day, or as they call that at the DMV, Employee of the Month.


An ice cream shop in Scotland has introduced a new flavor made with a very familiar ingredient. It's called mayonnaise ice cream. Coincidentally, "mayonnaise ice cream" is also how dermatologists describe my skin tone.


The only thing weirder than mayonnaise ice cream is how you have to order it. To order it, you go up to the counter and you go, "Hello, I'm disgusting." And they go, "Don't worry. I got you right here."


Amazon has introduced a new facial recognition technology, and it seems like there might be a few bugs, because when they recently tested the software on the faces of members of Congress, the program identified 28 of them as convicted criminals. So, it works.


There's a brand-new style of Crocs that have just been introduced and they're selling out all over the place, although I'm not sure why. High-heel Crocs! Did we ask for this? High-heel Crocs: the perfect shoe for when you get invited to a wedding and the invitation says, "Food court formal."


It's been revealed that during a recent meeting on trade with President Trump, the European Commission president had to use a series of colorful cue cards to explain and simplify economic issues for Donald Trump. Although it makes sense to use colors because Trump hasn't learned his shapes yet.