Late Laughs for the week of May 20 - 26, 2018

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There's a new royal baby. That's exciting. Bookmakers are giving odds on the royal baby's new name, and the name that came in dead last is "Wayne." Which is too bad, because I'd love to hear the royal guards say, "Please rise for his royal highness, Lil Wayne."


President Trump tweeted that he may pardon someone because Sylvester Stallone asked him to. The pardon is for the guy who wrote "Rocky V." He was sentenced to death!


Today, in the Bill Cosby trial, the defense rested. And for once, Cosby had nothing to do with it.


A video of former president Obama making Melania Trump smile has gone viral. It's historic -- the first time a president has brought joy to Melania.


A big story today: Kanye West tweeted a lot of praise for President Trump. Kanye called Trump, "my brother," and Trump called Kanye, "my one black supporter."


French President Macron told Congress he disagrees with President Trump on the Iran nuclear deal and climate change. Macron said, "But other than things that could destroy the entire world, we're on the same page!"


Body language experts say all the touching between presidents Trump and Macron was an exercise in primate-like male dominance. And here's the good news for Americans: apparently our baboon won.


The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

Today, Americans celebrated "National Take Our Sons and Daughters to Work Day." And tomorrow, kids will celebrate "New Appreciation for Going to School Day."


Subway just announced that they're closing 500 restaurants. People were stunned -- they were like, "Subway considers itself a restaurant?"


Tom Cruise said that while filming the new Mission: Impossible movie, he jumped out of an airplane 106 times. Then afterward, the director was like, "I think we'll just use the first take."


The big news is that today, Prince William and Kate Middleton welcomed their third child, a baby boy. Right now, the top three name predictions are Arthur, Albert and James, followed by Ronnie, Pauly D and The Situation.


The [royal] baby weighed in at eight pounds, seven ounces. And this is nice -- he already has more hair than his dad.


Today is World Book Day! People were going to celebrate, then they said, "Eh -- I'll just wait for World Movie Day."


At this weekend's London Marathon, a man proposed to his girlfriend while dressed as a T-Rex. Which backfired when his arms were too short to open the ring box.


A lot of people were betting on the name of the new royal baby. And those people have a name, too -- they're called "gambling addicts."


I heard that there's a new Amazon Alexa coming out that's made just for kids. Yeah, after an hour of answering your kid's non-stop questions, it just puts on a movie to shut them up.


Dr. Phil is here! Or, as he'll be known in a few years, Oprah's chief of staff.


The Senate has confirmed Mike Pompeo to be the new secretary of state. Pompeo says he's excited and looks forward to working under Trump for the next three to four weeks.


Kanye West tweeted that he and Trump are "brothers" and are both "dragon energy." Trump responded saying, "Very cool!" In a related story, Trump just made Kanye the new Secretary of Dragon Energy.


The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

The president had a busy weekend, or rather his thumbs did, because the leader of the free world tweeted 25 times. I never thought I'd say this, but he should golf more.


The Late Late Show With James Corden

According to a new report, Amazon is working on a robot that follows its owner around the house. It's basically an Alexa on wheels. This is going to be a hot item. Here's how you get one: you leave your Alexa and your Roomba alone in a bedroom and let nature take its course.


A Colorado woman was given an apple on her flight home from Paris. She put it in her bag as a snack for later and forgot about it, and now she's facing a $500 fine for not declaring it at customs. I'd be suspicious of this woman, too. I mean, who eats an apple at the airport when there's a Cinnabon right there?


It was reported that President Trump has gone back to making calls to his advisers on his personal cellphone instead of the official White House phone. Trump said he'd use the White House phone, but it doesn't have Angry Birds on it.


Amazon has introduced a new service which allows a delivery person to open the trunk of your automobile by tapping on a smartphone screen so that they can deliver packages to your parked car. That's if you've got Amazon Prime. If you're just a regular customer, you have to open your sunroof and a drone drops it in from 10,000 feet.


A 20-year-old man from Colorado recently survived a shark bite in Hawaii. Less than a year before that, he was attacked by a 300-pound black bear. And a few years before that, he was bitten by a rattlesnake while hiking. Based on these incidents, we do know a lot about this man. For example, he must taste delicious. 


Jimmy Kimmel Live

The president tweeted some weird stuff about Michael Cohen. Trump said he likes and respects Cohen and doesn't see him "flipping" on him. Which, of course, warrants the question: you don't see him flipping on you for what?


I happen to know for a fact that they vet the contestants on "The Bachelor" more closely than Donald Trump does his cabinet picks.


Late Night With Seth Meyers

Before taking questions from reporters today, President Trump brushed dandruff off of French President Emmanuel Macron's shoulder and said, "We have to make him perfect." Then Macron returned the favor by putting a bag over Trump's head.


The Senate today postponed the confirmation hearing for President Trump's nominee to lead the Department of Veterans Affairs, Dr. Ronny Jackson, after allegations that Jackson overprescribed drugs. And I'm not surprised, since "Dr. Ronny" sounds like '70s slang for a guy who sells pills in the park.


Former vice-president Al Gore today compared President Trump to a bad science experiment. Because he somehow looks like a liquid, a solid and a gas all at the same time.


Researchers at the University of Chicago are developing an app to help people determine whether or not they're high on marijuana. All you do is go to the app store, download the app, and if it turns out you had already downloaded it, you're high.