Late Laughs for the week of August 14 - 20

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Now they're not sure how the president [Joe Biden] contracted COVID. I suspect he wished on a cursed monkey's paw for any "positive news." Got to be careful!   We are getting a sequel [to the Jan. 6 hearings] in September, and a fall hearing is perfect because the former president [Donald Trump] is pumpkin spice.   There was a whole list of security officials the president [Trump] didn't reach out to that day [Jan. 6]. ... He did not call them from a box. He did not call while watching Fox. He did not help out Uncle Sam. His brain is made of eggs and ham.   According to CBS News, "brutal and dangerous temperatures are being felt from California to Massachusetts." OK, CBS News, just say "America." That's like te...