Late Laughs for the week of March 3 - 9, 2019

« Back to Talk


The Late Late Show With James Corden

Costco has started selling a five-tier wedding cake made entirely out of cheese. The cake weighs 22 pounds and costs $440. So if your wedding vows don't bind you, at least the cake will.


Budget furniture store Ikea just announced a new way for you to fill your apartment with their items. Soon, you will be able to rent Ikea furniture and return it when you're done. The only problem with this is by the time you figure out how to put the furniture together, your rental's up and you've got to take it back.


Valentine's Day is next week, and to celebrate, Dunkin' Donuts will be hosting doughnut-themed weddings at a chapel in Las Vegas. The first 100 couples will receive a bouquet made entirely out of doughnuts. Yeah, this is exactly what Vegas weddings need: more regret.


British Airways recently ran a test trial where they didn't clean their aircrafts between flights. The trial was to see if cutting out the usual cleaning process could save time and decrease delays. Spirit Airlines replied, "We're way ahead of you."


Haagen Dazs has released a collection of alcohol-infused ice creams. Ice cream and alcohol together -- I'm not gonna lie, this is gonna save me a lot of time.


The Patriots beat the Rams. Everyone here in L.A. is devastated. I mean, I think they are -- it's hard to tell, with the levels of Botox in Los Angeles, how anyone really feels.


It was less of a Super Bowl and more of a Just OK Bowl.


The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

Last night was Super Bowl 53, and 53 is also how many people stayed awake for the whole thing.


Firefighters in Alabama rescued a toddler who got stuck inside an arcade claw machine. Yeah, and it only took them 4,000 quarters.

Taco Bell just announced that delivery is now available nationwide. Taco Bell made the decision after stoners kept getting lost in the drive-thru.


Valentine's Day is less than one week away! And you'll know your boyfriend waited too long to make a dinner reservation when he asks, "Soooo do you wanna eat at 4:30 or 10:15?"


I read that more and more people are offering weed at their weddings. But it's not good if your parents look at the person you're marrying and go, "I'm gonna need a hit of that."


More people are handing out weed at their wedding. Guests love it until the couple's first dance is a 45-minute song by Phish.


The State of the Union was tonight, and I want to wish a speedy recovery to Nancy Pelosi, who is recovering from biting her tongue all night.


Rams quarterback Jared Goff just couldn't score. Americans said, "If we wanted to see a football player who can't score, we'd watch Colton on 'The Bachelor.'"


Jimmy Kimmel Live

The Patriots beat the Rams 13-3. Coincidentally, 13.3 was also Rob Gronkowski's blood alcohol content this morning.


Rams fans didn't have a lot to cheer about, but the team did set two Super Bowl records, including most consecutive punts to start a game: eight. For those who admire the art and artistry of punting, it was quite an evening.


The Rams also had the first male cheerleaders in Super Bowl history. And they only scored three points, so thanks, male cheerleaders!


Mike Pence is the vice-president of the United States. He was created when a bolt of lightning struck a container of non-fat yogurt.


The former CEO of Starbucks, Howard Schultz, is thinking about running for president. And so far he's doing a bang-up job. Shultz did an interview, in which he suggested that "billionaires" should instead be referred to as "people of means." Which is a Venti stupid thing to say. A great way to get Americans to rally around you is to tell them you get your feelings hurt when people call you a billionaire.


Late Night With Seth Meyers

Well, what can I say about the Super Bowl that hasn't already been written on Adam Levine's torso.


Officials have announced that Manhattan will be getting its first public beach in 2022. And even though it's three years away, a body has already washed up on shore.


February is Black History Month. "Oh my God, I don't even have a costume yet!" said Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam.


Gwyneth Paltrow's health and wellness site Goop has partnered with Netflix to create a new docuseries. So now instead of it asking, "Are You Still Watching," Netflix will now ask, "Is Everything OK?"


Supermodel Tyra Banks has announced she will be opening a beauty-focused theme park later this year called "Modelland." And Leonardo DiCaprio has already been on all the rides.


Liquor brand Svedka will release a new product that combines rosé and vodka. It's called, "Uh-Oh Hold My Hair."


According to new research, eye contact is not needed in order to have an enjoyable conversation. "Yeah we know," texted millennials.


A motorist in the U.K. was arrested yesterday after he crashed his car while swerving to avoid hitting an octopus he claimed to have seen in the road. Officials became suspicious when they couldn't find any squid marks.


Officials in Turkey recently found an ancient Bible that is believed to be 1,200 years old. It's so old, the first half is just called "Testament."


President Trump spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast this morning. Specifically, "Are you gonna finish that?"


Weekend Update With Colin Jost and Michael Che

The governor of Virginia admitted to wearing blackface in college for a Michael Jackson costume -- by the way, making it the least accurate Michael Jackson costume of all time.


A zoo in Texas has launched a Valentine's Day promotion that lets people get revenge on their exes by naming a cockroach after them, then feeding the cockroach to a meerkat. So that'll show 'em … that they were right to break up with you.


Delta has introduced a new plane that features windows in the bathrooms. Unfortunately, they face into the cabin.


A Colorado man who was attacked by a mountain lion survived after he fought off and killed the animal. Meanwhile, today I took an Uber three blocks so I wouldn't have to crease my new sneakers.


A massive brawl broke out at a Canadian nursing home after a 79-year-old woman took an 86-year-old's seat at their bingo game. It's the first brawl that began with everyone in critical condition.