The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

It was 90 degrees in New York City today. Yeah, you know it's bad when you get that dirty gust of wind from the subway and you go, "Ahh!"

 

This year, Americans spent around $15 billion on Father's Day. When dads thanked their kids for the gifts, the kids were like, "No problem, I ordered them using your Amazon account."

 

Today at the White House, President Trump welcomed Spain's King Felipe and Queen Letizia. Or as he put it, "Welcome King Philip and Queen Latifah."

 

Today is the first official day of summer. Right now, everyone's thinking, "I'm gonna hike! I'm gonna go camping! I'm gonna hit the beach!" While Netflix is like, "Suuure you are."

 

Today, first lady Melania Trump made a surprise visit to the U.S.-Mexico border. And this isn't good -- she brought her passport and everything she owns.

 

Melania pressured Donald to stop his family separation policy. She promised that if he did, she'd let him hold her hand for a full three seconds.

 

During the G7 Summit, Trump tossed a Starburst to German leader Angela Merkel and said, "Here, Angela, don't say I never gave you anything." Then he realized it was a red one and dove across the table to get it back.

 

Starbucks just announced that they're closing 150 stores due to low sales. Meanwhile, the Starbucks inside Barnes & Noble was like, "Shhh -- I think they forgot about us."

 

The Trump administration is separating immigrant kids from their parents at the border, but experts say there's an easy fix to the problem: the midterms.

 

The Trump administration is facing criticism for separating immigrant children from their parents. Some people said they couldn't believe Trump would do something like this. Then African-Americans, Muslims, DACA recipients, transgendered troops, and special Olympians were like, "WE can."

 

We're in the middle of a giant heat wave here in New York City. Today on the sidewalk, people were like, "I really hope that drip was from an air conditioner. I mean really -- you never know."

 

The king and queen of Spain visited Washington. When Trump first heard people speaking Spanish in the White House, he frantically pressed the silent alarm button under his desk.

 

Today, officials from 22 states demanded that Trump stop separating immigrant families. Yep, 22 states. When Trump heard that, he was like, "Crap, that's every state."

 

Tonight, President Trump held a big rally up in Minnesota. It's part of his plan to get as far away from the Mexican border as possible.

 

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

The story of the week has been Trump's pro-baby-snatching agenda, and today it took another weird turn. Because, to try to humanize these child detention centers, the administration sent their most high-profile detainee, Melania Trump.

 

The Late Late Show With James Corden

Canada has just announced that they will become the second country in the world to legalize marijuana. So while it's been wonderful to be back here in London, I can officially announce next year we will be taking the show to Toronto.

 

Here in the United Kingdom, officials are looking at the possibility of legalizing medical marijuana. When asked about it this week, Prime Minister Theresa May said that she had never smoked cannabis in her life. I believe her! You know why? Because she calls it cannabis.

 

As the World Cup continues, a report just came out that football fans in Russia have been drinking so much that bars and restaurants are completely running out of beer. See, this is what happens when England wins one game.

 

Jimmy Kimmel Live

I hope you had a good Father's Day weekend. The president spent his Father's Day weekend the same way he does every year. He opens a card and says, "Who's Eric?"

 

Is there anything more fun than a Trump rally? Off the top of my head, I'd say, non-consensual colonoscopy, mesothelioma, driving a station wagon filled with wasps, a rattlesnake, maybe sharing a sleeping bag with Bill Cosby … I don't know, that's just a few.

 

Late Night With Seth Meyers

An Ohio man was recently arrested after attacking his roommate with a rolling pin. And I find it amazing that two male roommates actually owned a rolling pin.

 

Canadian lawmakers yesterday voted to nationally legalize recreational marijuana. Which makes sense, considering their prime minister is already smokin'.

 

A baby who was born in Paris on a public train today received free rides from the transportation company until his 25th birthday. While a baby born on the New York City subway received hepatitis.

 

Today was the 40th anniversary of the first Garfield comic strip. So from one guy making fun of a fat, lazy, orange narcissist to another, congratulations.

 

President Trump held a campaign rally last night in Minnesota. And long story short, we're now in a trade war with Minnesota.

 

First lady Melania Trump made a surprise trip to the U.S.-Mexico border today and visited a facility holding migrant children. "I can't imagine what terrible things you've been through," said one of the kids to Melania.

 

First lady Melania Trump was wearing a jacket today with the words "I REALLY DON'T CARE, DO U?" written on the back when she boarded a plane to go visit the border. A lot of people are giving her a hard time about it, but I think it's nice that she had a jacket made to display her wedding vows.

 

Hundreds of people gathered at LaGuardia airport last night to welcome migrant children who have been separated from their parents at the border. And if you don't think that's a big deal, you've never asked someone to pick you up at LaGuardia.

 

A federal judge in Virginia revoked former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort's bail on Friday and sent him to jail while he awaits trial. Jail, or as it will soon be known, "Trump 2020 Re-election Headquarters."

 

Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen yesterday dismissed demands that President Trump unilaterally end the practice of separating families at the border and said, quote, "Congress can fix this tomorrow." Really, have you met Congress? They're still finalizing the Louisiana Purchase.