Late Laughs for the week of July 10 - 16

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Jimmy Kimmel Live!

[During the Jan. 6 hearings] we learned that Trump did not call in the National Guard to stop the attack. He made that up when he said it. We also learned that when his supporters were breaking in windows, chanting "hang Mike Pence," Trump was watching on TV and said, "Maybe they have the right idea" .... Mike must have been crapping his Pence while this was happening.


[In response to the Jan. 6 hearings] the Republican House Judiciary Committee today tweeted "All. Old. News." Yeah, that was also Eichmann's defense at Nuremberg: "Guys, it was 1943!" "Old News" isn't a defense. Though I guess the fact that they didn't call it "fake news" is progress.


The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

We're still waiting for the next Jan. 6 Committee hearing. The next one was supposed to be today [June 15] ... but yesterday the committee did drop a teaser for the next hearing. Oh, a teaser! It's like a Marvel movie. Is there a multiverse where there are consequences for staging a coup? All we know is that Rudy Giuliani is hiding bottles of wine in every dimension.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

I read that President Biden has been dealing with a rapid turnover of his staff. Of course, the White House tried to spin it like, "Hey, look at all the new jobs the president is creating!"


Uber released their annual Lost and Found Index, which reveals the items reported lost by passengers. Glasses, phones, keys were some of the most common ones but — get this — five people left behind their dentures. Apparently, some people like to go for a ride because they love the feel of the wind in their gums.


There's a new trend on TikTok where people are making "healthy Coke" by mixing flavored sparkling water with balsamic vinegar. It really shows the lengths Coke drinkers will go to avoid Pepsi, don't you think?


I heard about a man who is suing American Airlines after they mistakenly gave his name to police in connection with a robbery at an airport shop and he spent 17 days in jail. Even worse, since going from American Airlines to prison was an upgrade, he was also charged for it.


A man in Florida was bitten by a seven-foot alligator after mistaking it for a dog with a long leash. Unfortunately, he was bitten again when he tried calling 911 on a raccoon he thought was a phone.


The Late Late Show With James Corden

You may be wondering why there wasn't a Jan. 6 hearing today [June 15]. The committee has to cancel it because their audio-visual team is understaffed and overworked .... To be fair the Jan. 6 Committee's audio-visual team is just Liz Cheney, a guy from the Geek Squad and a plastic bag full of dongles.


A four-day work week pilot program is currently taking place in London. For six months, thousands of British workers will test out the new schedule with no cut to their pay .... A four-day work week in London: when Boris Johnson heard this, he was like, "Doubling my work week?! No thank you!"


As you may remember, McDonald's stopped doing business in Russia following the invasion of Ukraine. So, a McDonald's franchise owner purchased the restaurants and has reopened them under a new brand. The new brand name translates to "Tasty and that's it" .... Leave it to Vladimir Putin's Russia to make burgers and fries somehow sound like some kind of implied threat.


A pest control company in North Carolina is offering $2,000 if you volunteer your house so that they can study a new pest-removal technique. To get the money, all you have to do is let them release 100 cockroaches into your house .... They're looking for five to seven homes to do this, which means somewhere out there there is a guy with like 700 cockroaches just waiting.


Late Night With Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, President Biden's approval rating is at 40%, meaning his approval rating is the only thing inflation hasn't touched.


Elon Musk tweeted today [June 15] that he just voted Republican for the first time, but only because there were no candidates running as Sith.


A man in the U.K. recently got a tattoo on his feet that looks like a pair of shoes. Said the man, "It hurt, but not as much as the underwear."


During her opening statement at yesterday's [June 13] hearing on the Capitol attack, Republican Rep. Liz Cheney said that an "apparently inebriated Rudy Giuliani told former president Trump to falsely claim he won on election night." To be fair, his legal advice doesn't get any better when he's sober.


House Speaker Nancy Pelosi over the weekend appeared on an episode of "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars." Either that or she didn't and that person should win!