The Late Late Show With James Corden

A new restaurant has opened in Boston where all the food is cooked by robots. The restaurant was started by a group of engineers from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. A robot that can cook a meal. Is this a new thing? Isn't this just a microwave? I'm pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night.

 

A plane in Holland was forced to make an emergency landing after a passenger's body odor was so bad that it caused others to vomit and faint. You know it's bad when people are going into the airplane bathroom for some fresh air.

 

First lady Melania Trump attended a reception today, marking her first public appearance in three weeks. This ended much speculation about her whereabouts. Turns out Melania was in the White House with her husband, Donald Trump, the whole time. So, it's worse than we all thought.

 

Conan

A video has surfaced from a Burger King of two mice running around inside a bag of hamburger buns. Or, as Arby's calls that, "The Special."

 

The Supreme Court ruled that a baker in Colorado can refuse to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple on religious grounds. Ladies and gentlemen, in my opinion, if there's anything America is not going to stand for, it's less cake.

 

Many fans have started an online petition urging ABC to continue the show "Roseanne" without Roseanne. In a related story, Andy [Richter] has started a similar petition about the show "Conan."

 

In a new interview, Kanye West talks about being bipolar. Kanye said sometimes he loves himself, but other times, he really loves himself.

 

In the United Kingdom, a baby's first word was "Alexa." The baby's next words were "Get me new parents."

 

Yesterday, first lady Melania Trump appeared at her first White House event in a month. Or, as Melania put it, "they found me."

 

It's been reported that Donald Trump's family fortune originated from a brothel started by his grandfather. Isn't that shocking -- there was once a Trump business that made money.

 

In a brand-new interview, Vladimir Putin says he regularly talks over the phone with President Trump. Putin says, "It's not a big deal -- I like to check in with all my employees."

 

The head of Starbucks, Howard Schultz, has announced that he's leaving the company. Schultz said, "I can't keep living a lie -- the coffee at Dunkin' Donuts is way better."

 

The latest rumor in Washington is that President Trump could decide to pardon himself. This would be completely constitutional, according to Trump's new Supreme Court Justice, Donald Trump.

 

In a TV interview, Woody Allen says he's always been a big supporter of #MeToo, and that he should be the face of the movement. It's really nice to see Woody Allen doing comedy again!

 

Kim Jong Un said he wants to open a McDonald's in North Korea. Which may explain why the summit with President Trump is suddenly back on.

 

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

A man in Pennsylvania was arrested for stealing meatballs from a man's garage. I can't tell who's weirder, the guy who stole meatballs, or the guy who keeps them in his garage.

 

A Sonic fast-food restaurant in Mississippi had to put up a sign asking people in the drive-thru to stop smoking weed. You can tell the sign worked, because that Sonic has now gone out of business.

 

In England, a worker at a factory that makes Coca-Cola cans was caught urinating into the cans. But Coke quickly dealt with the situation by putting a Mountain Dew label on them.

 

I read that climate change could eventually wipe out crops like strawberries and grapes. Even worse, that means Edible Arrangements will soon be 100 per cent cantaloupe.

 

I heard about a married couple in China that just discovered they were in the same photo before they knew each other 20 years ago. The wife thought it was sweet, until she noticed him in the background of EVERY one of her childhood photos.

 

I heard about a man in Arizona who called the police asking if the dinosaur decorations in his local park were real dinosaurs. The cops said, "No, but the mushrooms you ate were DEFINITELY real."

 

I read that a city in California passed a law that makes it illegal to cross the street while you're on your phone. People said they got the message, and will never cross the street again.

 

I saw that Amazon agreed to buy a smart doorbell company that lets you see people who are at your door. That way if it's a stranger, you can pretend you're not home. And if it's someone you know, you can pretend you're not home.

 

The country's biggest grocery chain, Kroger, will no longer sell guns to people under 21. But this raises another issue, like why is a grocery store selling guns?

 

I heard that a new high-tech bathroom just opened at LAX where a light turns green or red above each stall as it's being used. It's green if it's empty, red if it's occupied, and strobes if you've just eaten Taco Bell.

 

Jimmy Kimmel Live

No NBA team has ever come back from a 3-0 deficit to win a playoff series. At this point, "Roseanne" has a better chance of coming back to ABC than the Cavaliers.

 

Late Night With Seth Meyers

A Virginia set of identical twin sisters will marry a set of identical twin brothers in a joint wedding this summer. They're registered at Kinkos.

 

A winery is partnering with Warner Brothers to release four new wines based on "The Lord of the Rings." And just like the movies, by the time you get to the fourth one, you won't remember the first three.

 

Weekend Update With Colin Jost and Michael Che

Jocelyn Wildenstein, the plastic surgery-obsessed woman known as "Catwoman," has filed for bankruptcy. But don't worry about Jocelyn. From the looks of her, this is one cat who always lands on her face.