Late Laughs for the week of February 21 - 27, 2021

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Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Tom Brady makes history as both the oldest person ever to play in a Super Bowl and the first person who ever moved to Florida so he could keep working.


Why is the rollout of the COVID vaccine going worse than the rollout of the Popeye's chicken sandwich?


Eighteen years ago, we were on live after the Super Bowl; our guests were George Clooney, Snoop Dogg, the Super Bowl MVP and Coldplay played out on Hollywood Blvd. Tonight, I'm doing a show for 20 reluctant staff members in face shields and my guest is my cousin.


Dr. Fauci makes more than the president. He made $434,000 last year. And, of course, some people are angry — which is crazy! You want a discount doctor in there?


There was snow in Vegas, Phoenix and Palm Springs. Whenever I hear it's snowing in Vegas, my first thought is, "Wow. Criss Angel has done it again."


The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

The U.S. just passed 25 million COVID-19 cases. There haven't been that many cases of something since Angela Lansbury cleaned up the mean streets of Cabot Cove! So many murderers in New England!


So you just want to let [Trump] get off scot-free for insurrection because he's no longer in power? That's like acquitting Jeffrey Dahmer because he's full!


Coke with coffee is finally here! Perfect for anyone saying, "I wish my refreshing Cola made me more jittery. Sure, I've got the heart rate of a hummingbird and the blood pressure of a pneumatic jack, but I don't quite feel like I could flip a minivan."


Philadelphia made the oops-a-daisy of letting college kids distribute vaccines, and the result was a disaster. Well, yeah! The only thing college kids are good at distributing are ultimate frisbee sign-up sheets and HPV.


Chaos continues on Wall Street as hedge fund titans lose billions to Reddit traders running amok. That's terrible. Those poor hedge fund managers! Now might be a good time to invest in whoever manufactures the world's tiniest violins.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Tom Brady will be playing in his 10th Super Bowl. If Brady keeps up this pace, I'm just worried where he's going to put the 11th Super Bowl ring when he runs out of fingers.


The Buccaneers will be the first team ever to play the Super Bowl in their home stadium. Apparently the Bucs saw the entire world working from home and thought, "Why not us?"


Sources in touch with Trump have said he's "bored out of his mind." Apparently playing 36 holes of golf every day isn't as exciting when you're not ignoring a global pandemic.


China has rolled out an anal swab coronavirus test saying it's more accurate than the throat method. It's more accurate, but it's still being called the "No. 2 test."


Louis Vuitton recently unveiled its Fall 2021 menswear collection, which includes 3D skyline coats. The coats actually have a theme: it's called "No sex in the city."


The Late Late Show with James Corden

It snowed in Malibu over the weekend. People were frozen solid in their yoga poses.


Tonight is Burns Night, which is a Scottish celebration of the life and works of national poet Robert Burns and, in honor of the occasion, a packet of haggis was launched into space. I'm not sure I follow the thinking here: "How should we celebrate the life of a beloved 18th-century poet? Space haggis."


I think I speak for everyone when I say the American people are just hungry for justice right now. I don't care if it's Trump or Victoria from "The Bachelor," someone needs to pay for their actions.


A woman returned home to the U.K. after visiting New York City, and while she was going through her vacation photos, she discovered that one of them actually featured Sir Paul McCartney. She was going to photoshop Paul McCartney out, but then she decidedm, ultimately, to just "Let It Be."


The Biden administration is now considering mandatory COVID tests for people who are boarding domestic flights … as opposed to the last 10 months of the pandemic when you could just board a plane with a runny nose, a cough and an emotional-support bat.


Late Night with Seth Meyers

The New York Times last week published an article about President Biden wearing a Rolex watch to his inauguration, and it does kind of show that he's out of touch with the American people. I mean … who wears a watch?


An Oklahoma lawmaker recently introduced a bill to establish a so-called "Bigfoot hunting season," which would run from early October until whenever you accidentally shoot a man because you think he's Bigfoot.


A doughnut shop at Disney Springs in Orlando has begun offering a grilled cheese sandwich made on a glazed doughnut. It's expected to be a big hit with people who are concerned about what's in the vaccine.


Officials in Boston have announced that they'll reopen some indoor facilities at 25% capacity, like gyms, movie theaters, museums and aquariums. Then Boston countered with: "How 'bout 50% capacity but just gyms and movie theaters."


According to a new report, Florida led the world in shark attacks in 2020. Apparently, as many as 27 sharks were attacked by Floridians.