The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson

Justin Bieber will be appearing on "CSI." Producers said they are going with Bieber because they're trying to make murder look more adorable.

The season finale of "Through the Wormhole With Morgan Freeman" is on the Science Channel this week. It's narrated by Morgan Freeman -- what a surprise. The show is about the cosmos and philosophical questions like "How did we get here," "Are we alone in the universe," and "What the hell is wrong with Mel Gibson?" Aliens are probably watching the show right now. Let me tell you, aliens: if you land in Arizona, you better have your papers.

It's a great day for a guy in Fresno, Calif. This guy found very valuable stuff at a garage sale. He found these photographic negatives for $45 -- turns out they're pictures by Ansel Adams worth $200 million. With that kind of money, you can buy a lot of crap at garage sales! You never know what you're going to find at a garage sale -- actually, that's where CBS found me.

I'd love to sell things that have been handed down in my family, but there's not a huge market for bitterness, disappointment and womanly hips.

The Tonight Show: Jay Leno

A website called WikiLeaks has posted more than 90,000 classified military documents about the war in Afghanistan. The Pentagon is outraged, the White House is furious, and, of course, British Petroleum is relieved: "Finally, a leak we had nothing to do with."

US magazine reports that Levi Johnson wants to get his GED and become an electrician. You know, if he does either one of these things, people will be shocked.

Ford Motor Company has moved ahead of Toyota in sales and they say they're not stopping until they see even better results. Not stopping? That's what screwed up Toyota.

With Arizona's new immigration law getting ready to kick in, it's given birth to a new slogan: "What happens in Arizona stays in Mexico."

Congress's approval rating has hit an all-time low of 11 per cent. You know how bad that is? The BP oil spill is at 12 per cent.

BP reported last quarter they lost $17 billion. To which Tiger Woods said, "Hey, join the club!"

The Late Show: David Letterman

The White House is very, very upset. Ten years of secret plans and negotiations about Afghanistan have now been leaked on the Internet. Out of habit, British Petroleum apologized.

President Obama is in town for an appearance on "The View." He probably won't get a word in edgewise, but he said he's used to it -- he lives with his mother-in-law.

Live: Jimmy Kimmel

Violence struck at Comic-Con when an argument between two men resulted in one being arrested for stabbing the other with a pen. There were 80,000 guys dressed as superheroes and no one stepped in to save him.

Paris Hilton is in hot water for a picture in which she looks like she's doing a Nazi salute. Let's be honest, Paris Hilton has no idea what a Nazi salute is. She probably thinks Nazi is a game you play with dice.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is lashing out at Paul the Octopus, who predicted winners in the World Cup. Ahmadinejad said the octopus represents what's wrong with the West. I guess he's never seen "Jersey Shore."

Late Night: Jimmy Fallon

The heat index here in New York City was actually 102 degrees on Saturday. And if you convert that to Celsius, well then you're just being kind of annoying.

Mark Ruffalo has signed on to be the new Incredible Hulk. When he heard this, Mel Gibson was like, "Did they even LISTEN to my audition tapes?!"

President Obama is going on a 10-day vacation to Martha's Vineyard in August. Obama was like, "This is my longest vacation ever," and voters were like, "Wait till you see the one we're planning for you!"

President Obama was in New York today to tape his appearance on "The View." Whoopi asked him about the economy, Joy asked about the war and Elizabeth asked for his birth certificate.