The Late Show: David Letterman (R)

Summer's almost gone, can you believe it? It seems like it just started and now it's flown by. Before you know, they'll be turning the dumpsters back from swimming pools into dumpsters again.

This new immigration law went into effect in Arizona. And it might not mean much to us, but the Diamondbacks had to replace their entire bullpen.

Chelsea Clinton is getting married. I don't know how this happened, but she's marrying Levi Johnston. This is going to be star-studded. For example, LeBron James, he's been invited and he will RSVP his invitation tomorrow night on an hour-long ESPN special.

The Tonight Show: Jay Leno (R)

They say traces of BP oil are starting to turn up in disturbing places. Like congressmen's pockets.

After 25 years, Larry King is calling it quits. He says he wants to spend more time getting divorced.

President Obama was a guest on "The View" today. He talked to the ladies about what it's like to be president. Then later in the afternoon, he went to "Maury" where he passed a lie detector test: turns out he was born in America.

The president said he had a good time on "The View." He said the ladies there talk a lot less than Joe Biden, so it wasn't so bad.

According to a new study, doing CPR without doing the mouth-to-mouth is just as effective. Which is great news for ugly people who are choking.

I've been thinking about this whole Mel Gibson thing. You know, all his troubles could have been avoided if he'd just made his calls on the new iPhone 4 -- none of them would have gone through and none of this would have happened!

Live: Jimmy Kimmel

President Obama had a 24-hour vacation on the Gulf Coast of Florida. Some Republicans are attacking him for not staying longer. They have a point. President Bush used to vacation for weeks at a time. The president was there to promote tourism in the gulf. He even jumped into the gulf to prove it was safe. Unfortunately, he did a cannonball right onto a pelican.

Paris Hilton got paid $3.5 million to wear fake hair. That's more than she gets paid to wear nothing.

The president's security left traffic in Los Angeles paralyzed. It took some people two hours to get home from work, when it usually only takes 96 minutes.

Rod Blagojevich was convicted of only one of 24 counts against him: transporting illegally silky hair across state lines.

Snooki from "Jersey Shore" was in court after being arrested for public drunkenness. How can you arrest someone for doing their job? She was also charged with public annoyance -- if that's a crime, everyone on that show should get the death penalty.

Steven Tyler of Aerosmith has signed on to become a judge on "American Idol." Fox is taking a good lead singer away from singing to help them find a bad singer.

Brett Favre announced that he will return for another season with the Minnesota Vikings. He said he won't quit football until everyone can spell his name right.

The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson

In "The Expendables," Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger beat up Sylvester Stallone for convincing them to invest in Planet Hollywood.

I don't know how Twitter works. All I know is that Twitter is very popular with the young people ... and me. Sometimes I'll be at home and I'll pick up my cellphone and I'll start typing away and instantly, it makes me feel 20 years younger. Then I put on my glasses and I realize I've been typing on the TV remote.

It was on this day in 1887 that Thomas Edison invented the phonograph, or the record player. Edison came up with the idea of recording sound and distributing it for people to enjoy. Now everyone should be grateful for that. Except maybe for Mel Gibson.