The Tonight Show: Jay Leno

Tiger Woods finished 18 over par at the Bridgestone Invitational. The last time he hit this many trees, he was trying to get out of his driveway.

The U.S. Postal Service reported a $3.5-billion loss in the last quarter, which established it as the federal government's most successful enterprise. Experts said that, eventually, the post office could turn a profit if this e-mail thing turns out to be just a fad.

A JetBlue flight attendant cursed out passengers, grabbed two beers, slid down the chute and took off. The pilots were furious -- those were their last two beers.

Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Ironically, many of the babies he'll kiss on the campaign trail will be his own.

The New Orleans Saints visited the White House. That's an interesting switch, people from New Orleans visiting a disaster area. They presented President Obama with a Saints jersey with the No. 44, in honour of his approval rating.

Live: Jimmy Kimmel

Everyone is talking about Steven Slater, the flight attendant who cursed at a passenger, grabbed two beers and slid down the escape slide, in what may be the best resignation ever. In fact, he's so good at quitting, they're thinking about making him the next governor of Alaska.

Today is National S'mores Day. It's the day that we honor the memories of all the fallen marshmallows that were drowned in chocolate and burned to make this the fattest country in the world.

Summertime brings a whole new batch of reality-TV shows. I think we should get rid of some of the reality shows we already have. That could be a reality show: every week, we vote one reality show off the air.

The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson

Today is the birthday of a great American hero: Smokey the Bear is 66 years old. The first Smokey the Bear poster debuted in 1944. Now I've said this before, kids: If you're out in the forest and you actually see a bear wearing a ranger hat, it's because he ate the ranger.

The Leaning Tower of Pisa started leaning while they were building it. Builders were shocked to find out the tower wasn't straight, just like I was when I heard about Ricky Martin. Galileo was born in Pisa. He invented the telescope and then, about five minutes later, invented spying on his neighbors.

Naomi Campbell was forced to testify about blood diamonds given to her by former Liberian President Charles Taylor. She told reporters: "I didn't want to be here. This is a big inconvenience for me." Which is exactly what the slave that had to dig up the diamonds said.

Health officials in Oregon have shut down a seven-year-old girl's lemonade stand because she didn't have a licence. Officials haven't issued a statement yet -- they're busy popping balloon animals and stomping on sand castles.

Disney World announced that they're opening a special resort for dogs. Let's just hope Michael Vick doesn't win the Super Bowl this year.

Late Night: Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that Americans are becoming more honest about their weight. I guess people are starting to realize we can see them.

Scientists in Britain unveiled the world's first robot with emotions. That's just what we need: a Roomba that's too bummed out to vacuum.

Justin Bieber has signed on to be the new spokesman for the acne brand ProActive. I guess we know what's hiding behind those bangs!

A man in West Virginia was arrested in a park with his pants down, holding an armless mannequin. He told a cop: "This isn't what it looks like." And the cop said: "I have no idea what this looks like."