Late Laughs for the week of December 13 - 19, 2020

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The Late Late Show with James Corden

Trump won't even mention Biden by name. It's like when a teenager talks about her ex-best friend: "Well I was having a great time at the mall until she showed up!"


Screaming doesn't make it true! If you saw a friend tweet, in all caps, "MY LIFE IS GREAT!" you'd immediately start to worry.


The march was known as "The Million MAGA March," which is better than the original name: "The Crazies Thanksgiving Day Parade."


Ritz is giving away a giant 10-inch cracker that's meant to be used as an edible holiday cheese board. I love that people aren't allowed to share food because of COVID and Ritz is like, "But what if you could eat the plate that everyone's been touching all night?"


The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

I hope you all had a good weekend. Not that I'm conceding there was a weekend. That's for the courts to decide.


Federal and state government officials issued a joint statement saying this year's election was the most secure in American history. Kind of ironic since it defeated the most insecure president in American history.


Chris Evans accidentally shared [an explicit] pic — for one brief shining moment we got a glimpse of Captain America's "Winter Soldier" and it did not seem affected by the cold.


Trump found so many loopholes that, in 2010, he claimed and received an income tax refund totaling $72.9 million. I assume when the government sends you a refund that big, the chairman of the Fed shows up with a giant novelty check.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Republicans don't know how to feel right now. They lost the White House but khakis are back!


Baskin Robbins has brought back its turkey ice cream cake. Because all kids were like, "If only our favorite treat looked more like a dead bird carcass."


Quibi failed when everyone was home doing nothing. That's like offering water at the end of a marathon and every runner being like, "Nah, I'm good."


Here's some advice: if you're wondering how to deal with a job opening after someone dies and you find yourself on a custom T-shirt website, you've made a wrong turn.


It's like the coronavirus won the Super Bowl except it's already made trips to Disneyland and the White House.


Jimmy Kimmel Live!

The president — he might be going down with the ship, but many of the rats are putting their little bathing suits on.


Trump has been floating the idea that he'd run again in 2024. And 2028. And 2032. Every election for the rest of our lives will have a Donald Trump in it. We're never getting rid of this guy. Like herpes and the McRib — he'll just keep coming back.


Alaska: it's big, it's white, it's melting down and it has lots of crabs … just like Donald Trump!


I started this year doing a late-night set at a pizza place in Jersey City. Now here I am hosting a late-night show in a vacant house. Actually, the number of people in the audience is exactly the same.


Late Night with Seth Meyers

President-elect Joe Biden is reportedly planning to reverse President Trump's immigration policies. That's right, he's gonna tear down the blueprints for the wall!


Four senior officials at the Pentagon this week were fired or resigned. Said Trump: "One from each side of the building."


In a new interview, former president Barack Obama said it is time for President Trump to concede the election. Oh good, he'll listen to you. And if that doesn't work, we'll send in Rosie O'Donnell and Jonathan Van Ness.


Today was National Temperature Control Day. Dads everywhere celebrated by telling you to "put on a sweater and shut the hell up!"


Weekend Update with Michael Che and Colin Jost

A lawyer in Florida protested the opening of the state's beaches by wearing a Grim Reaper costume and warning people at the beach about getting too close to each other. There was an awkward moment when he bumped into the actual Grim Reaper, who was just making his regular Florida rounds.


Yankees legend Whitey Ford died at the age of 91. Ford reminds us of a simpler time when you could just name your kid "Whitey."