Late Laughs for the week of August 23 - 29, 2020

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Jimmy Kimmel Live

If you don't know me, maybe you're looking at the screen and thinking, "Did John Krasinski have some type of terrible accident?" But no, I'm Billy Eichner.


I think we can all agree that the worst part of the pandemic is that every late-night talk show looks like a single dad's first YouTube video.


[The coronavirus has] forced Biden to wear a mask, which has allowed him to hide the fact that he looks like a Halloween decoration. He looks like if you get too close to him, his eyes will turn red and he'll start singing "Monster Mash" until you take out his batteries


Does coronavirus really make you lose your sense of taste? Yes, that's true. But it's not just taste in food. You lose your taste in music, movies and home decor. We found out my cousin was sick when she started listening to Chumbawumba and carpeted her upstairs bathroom.


It's nice for a Mexican to be invited to a mansion in Hollywood and not have to trim the hedges.


I cannot believe I am hosting a network late-night talk show. Alone. Inside a weird house. With no laughter. This is both the high and low point of my career.


The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

You really think you can scare a group of moms? They push entire humans out of their vaginas and then smile for pictures!


"Where In the World is Carmen Sandiego" just got a lot easier … she's in San Diego!


I hope you're all staying safe out there. Step 1: Don't be out there, stay in there!


All viruses are invisible. That's why you fight them with vaccines and not a matador.


Gov. Ivy issued a statewide mask order, and to make the order more palatable to Alabama voters, the masks will be deep-fried.


My 91-year-old father-in-law wants to know why I'm inappropriately dressed -- they don't know that I'm wearing sandals and shorts! You've blown it, old man!


I think Biden is clearly more mentally stable than Trump, but even if he wasn't, I would still vote for him because I don't care if we have to "Weekend at Bernie's" this thing -- at least he'd let us hear from Dr. Fauci!


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

We are just 99 days away from the election and just 100 days away from President Trump declaring the results invalid.


Ninety-nine days doesn't seem like that much. Then again, the last 99 days felt like 900 years.


Who knew a sport where guys spend three hours spitting and high-fiving would put people at risk?


Bugatti is now selling a $35,000 car for kids. It comes with two driving modes, a battery pack and a guarantee that every other parent will hate you.


The CEOs of Facebook, Amazon, Apple and Google all testified before a House subcommittee over accusations that they've stifled competition in their industry. It was basically like the Super Bowl of guys who were picked last in sports.


Late Night With Seth Meyers

Washington's NFL team announced that they will be called the "Washington Football Team" until a permanent name is chosen. They also introduced their new mascot, "Mascot."


North Korean officials have reportedly put a city on lockdown after the first possible coronavirus case in the country. What a shame for residents, who can no longer enjoy the typical freedoms of living in North Korea.


Health officials in England announced yesterday that a cat has tested positive for the coronavirus. Its owners became worried after it slept for 21 hours straight. "That is an hour more than usual."


According to a new study, people over 6 feet tall are more likely to get the coronavirus. "That's a relief," said every man on Tinder who's been lying about his height.


According to a new report, Russian intelligence agencies are using three English-language websites to spread false information about coronavirus in the U.S. It's Facebook, Twitter and


Tomorrow is National Avocado Day. Though it might as well be National Avocado Year because 2020 cost us more than we expected and went bad really, really quickly.