Late Laughs for the week of April 26 - May 2

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A Little Late With Lilly Singh

Sexuality has more flavors than Baskin Robbins!


Right now, not enough people care about climate change, and, honestly, if even Leonardo DiCaprio can't make us care, then we're doomed.


I don't understand how anyone drinks and then doesn't want to dance. That's like if you took Viagra and decided to just watch Netflix without the "chill."



Democratic candidate Pete Buttigieg has been accused of plagiarizing Barack Obama in his campaign speeches. When asked about it, Buttigieg said, "I would never plagiarize a speech, and neither would my wife, Michelle." So that works.


The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Taco Bell announced that they are offering every American one free Doritos Loco Taco. Experts are calling it "not what we need during a national toilet paper shortage."


The Wimbledon tennis tournament is the next big sporting event that will be canceled. Don't worry, if you still want to hear men and women grunting all day, just listen to the quarantined couple next door.


A Dutch museum says that a Vincent Van Gogh painting was stolen. Apparently, the security guard tried stopping the thieves but couldn't get within six feet of them.


The movie "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" hit theaters 30 years ago -- they all wore masks, ate lots of pizza and were hidden away from society. So, basically, we're all ninja turtles now!


The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

It turns out Bolton was concerned that Trump did favors for autocratic leaders. Just concerned?! That's it?! That's like your doctor saying, "Alright, your blood pressure is normal. I am concerned about this arrow sticking out of your heart."


Folks, I hope you're sitting down, because I have some terrible news: the news.


The Late Late Show with James Corden

[Trump] tweeted out a Nickelback meme. Well, overnight, Twitter took down the tweet after receiving a copyright complaint -- Nickelback vs. Trump! This does show you where Twitter draws the line: they will allow sexism, racism, fake news, but you better show Nickelback some damn respect.


Uber is launching a new service that will let users find rides that allow animals. At least when you get into one of these ubers, there's a reason it's covered in hair and smells disgusting.


A man tried to avoid arrest by giving police a fake name. Nothing unusual about that, happens all the time. But here's the problem: his actual name was tattooed across his neck.


Jimmy Kimmel Live

Despite originally saying everyone would be back to work by Easter, [President Trump] announced that he will extend social distancing guidelines through April 30. So, Purell has frozen over.


The Center for Disease Control is discussing whether or not to recommend that we all wear masks in public. To be honest, there's something kind of fun about wearing a mask to the store. You're like a superhero whose only power is to buy up all the SpaghettiOs.


Late Night With Seth Meyers

The New York Post has published a list of dos and don'ts for having sex during the coronavirus pandemic. For example, don't have sex with anyone who went outside to get the New York Post.


President Trump announced yesterday that he would extend social distancing guidelines through next month. Said Americans, "This is still the same month?!"


According to reports, ridership on the Staten Island ferry has dropped 86% during the coronavirus outbreak. "Why would I even take the risk?" said New Yorkers about going to Staten Island.


Federal agents announced yesterday that they discovered an underground tunnel from Mexico to the U.S. that contained 3,000 pounds of marijuana, 1,300 pounds of cocaine and almost 90 pounds of crystal meth. And this is incredible: six rolls of toilet paper.