The Late Late Show With James Corden

I think most people right now would be willing to get a shot by bow and arrow with a syringe at the end if it gets the vaccine in them.

This is the sixth anniversary of the very first episode of "The Late Late Show." The craziest part is that five of those years happened during 2020.

Prince Harry has taken a position at a Silicon Valley startup. Can you imagine being a prince and suddenly having to deal with mundane office drama? It's only a matter of time before someone is like, "Um, Harry? Sorry, I saw you eating a string cheese from the office fridge. Just so you know, I bring those from home for myself so …"

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

You really don't want to hear the words "radical" or "bypass" connected to your heart or democracy.

Dr. Deborah Birx said that the winter surge [of coronavirus] would be the worst event in U.S. history. So, sorry, celebrity "Imagine" video, your time atop the throne is over.

The Pences are reportedly couch surfing their way through Indiana, which is also the title of the worst Beach Boys album ever.

I understand. It's a pandemic. We're baking our own sourdough. Can we please not grow our own terrorists?

It's been a rough year. How rough? Well, in the last 24 hours all the biggest stories involved old men crying. It's like being at Denny's the day they discontinued the $6.99 Super Slam.

A Little Late with Lilly Singh

Clearly Dua Lipa knows something, because she has a convertible that can drive through space. Elon Musk is quaking in his space boots.

Getting paid at your job shouldn't feel like a high-stakes poker game, it should feel comfortable. You shouldn't have to come home and be like, "Sorry babe, my boss had pocket aces. So much for our mortgage!"

March Madness is a yearly college basketball tournament. Sixty-four teams face off against each other over 10 days in at least six different locations. So, honestly, it's still a better way of picking a winner than the electoral college.

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Pfizer has begun testing an oral antiviral drug for COVID … if they could just put the medicine into a chicken sandwich, America will flatten the curve by Friday.

Disney is releasing "Black Widow" and "Cruella" on Disney for $29.99. When you drop $30 to watch a movie at home, Disney just starts playing a clip of Jafar laughing.

Southwest Airlines is doing away with social distancing and has decided to return to their pre-pandemic boarding procedures. I think the real story here is that Southwest is claiming that they have boarding procedures.

Biden spoke to a drive-in crowd in Wilmington, Delaware, and he told us that we need patience. I'm not sure if it's one of America's strengths. We just have to "be patient" in a country that invented a Domino's tracker so we know exactly when our pizza will arrive.

House Democrats announced that they're aiming to pass President Biden's $1.9-trillion COVID relief bill. Republicans say it's too much, while some Democrats say it's not enough. Come on guys, you're basically arguing over whether to use one or two napkins to clean up an oil spill.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

When Joe Biden says someone will pay a price, he means he'll impose sanctions or freeze bank accounts. When Putin says someone will pay a price, they're eating a plutonium-and-cheese McMuffin.

A place called Louis Tussaud's Waxworks in San Antonio had to remove its sculpture of Donald Trump because people kept punching it in the face. That's a shame. Why not just fill him with candy and give everyone a bat?

Who in their right mind would go on a cruise right now? I mean, how badly do you need to eat shrimp and see Smash Mouth?

Pope Francis voiced his support for same-sex civil unions, and while that might seem obvious to most of us, this is a very big deal because it is not the official position of the Catholic Church. The Pope has gone rogue. All of a sudden, he's talking like Jesus. It's crazy!

Trump supporters took to Twitter to say things like, "If you don't include California, Donald Trump won the popular vote." Right, and if you don't count the murders, Ted Bundy was a pretty good dude.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

Six Flags announced that it will reopen its theme parks in California next month. When asked if it was safe, they said, "I mean … as safe as we've ever been."

Officials in Cambridge, Massachusetts, recently approved plans for a cannabis cookie store in Harvard Square. So if you go to Harvard and you love weed, I bet your dad also went to Harvard.

The creators of "Sesame Street" introduced two new Black Muppets yesterday to help facilitate discussions of racism and Black identity. Which means Kermit may finally have to admit that it's pretty easy being green.

Convenience store chain 7-Eleven announced yesterday they will partner with Laredo Taco to open a drive-thru at a location in Dallas. Though, it sounds more like they're partnering with the police on a DUI roadblock.