The Late Late Show With James Corden

Samsung has just launched a new phone marketed to students to avoid distraction and focus on studying. The phone deliberately has no ability to connect to the internet. Yeah, they've developed this. This is something they've "developed." So, a flip phone. It's a flip phone that can't even flip.

 

Last night was the ABC News interview with former FBI director James Comey, where he promoted his new book. But before the interview, Trump got on Twitter yesterday morning and called Comey a liar and attacked his reputation. So, congratulations to Donald Trump for sending Comey's book straight to No. 1.

 

Some great news for Donald Trump. Between the constant firings in the White House, the porn star scandal and the Russia investigation, he was able to write off this entire year as a total loss.

 

Conan

Yesterday, Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski bought a stake in a Kentucky Derby racehorse that was named after him. The million-dollar animal bred for its ability to run fast says he's excited to own a share in a horse.

 

Camping at Coachella has been delayed this weekend because of high winds. Then someone realized they just forgot to turn off Beyoncé's wind machine.

 

This weekend is the 80th birthday of Superman. Now that he's 80, Superman is rendered helpless by Kryptonite and his email password.

 

There's talk of legalizing marijuana in Utah. However, Mormons are worried that marijuana may be a gateway drug to coffee.

 

SpaceX is planning to build a Mars rocket right here in Los Angeles. The voyage to Mars will take nine months, but eight of those months will be spent just getting out of L.A.

 

This morning, Twitter went down for almost an hour. As a result, President Trump was forced to open a window and start yelling at people on the street.

 

Scientists have developed a robot that can assemble a chair from Ikea almost as fast as a human. Sadly, in the process of assembling it, the robot has a huge fight with his wife.

 

President Trump's new nominee to head NASA is a Republican congressman with no science background. Or, as that's called in the Trump administration: "Overqualified."

 

Once again, President Trump has referred to Mar-a-Lago as "The Southern White House." Of course, when Trump refers to the actual White House, he refers to it as "The Western Kremlin."

 

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

Congratulations to John Stamos and his wife, who had a baby boy this weekend! And somehow, the baby has already aged more than John Stamos.

 

In honor of Tax Day, Hardee's offered free breakfast biscuits if you said the password "Made From Scratch." Arby's had a similar deal. They gave you a free roast beef sandwich with the password, "Made From Squirrel."

 

I saw that "Survivor" is coming back for a 37th season. I think they're starting to run out of locations -- they just announced that the next season is being held at Costco on a Saturday.

 

I saw that this week, the Vatican is offering a class on exorcisms. It's the only class where the guy in front of you cheats off your paper by turning his head around 180 degrees.

 

This week, the Senate confirmed Trump's pick to lead NASA, Jim Bridenstine. Yeah, "Bridenstine." It sounds less like a NASA official and more like a wedding show on TLC.

 

Twitter went down today in parts of the U.S. So between that and people deleting Facebook, MySpace was like, "We're back, baby!"

 

I read that Trump's meeting with Kim Jong Un could take place in Sweden or Switzerland. Apparently it all depends on whether Trump's in the mood for meatballs or cheese.

 

The tax deadline was extended by 24 hours yesterday. So if you haven't done your taxes yet -- well, you're too late again.

 

Robert De Niro is on the show. His friends call him "Bob," so backstage I said, "Hi, Bob!" And he said, "It's Mr. De Niro."

 

Former FBI Director James Comey was interviewed on ABC last night, and he said that Trump often changes his story and contradicts himself. In response, Trump said, "Yes I don't."

 

Evan Rachel Wood is on the show tonight! She's the star of "Westworld," a show about robots that look identical to humans and cause major chaos. Or, as it's also known, Facebook.

 

Earlier today, Trump found out he made Time magazine's list of the "Most Influential People." The editors said the annoying part was reading all the letters of recommendation he wrote for himself.

 

Letitia Wright is on the show tonight! She played a gadget expert in "Black Panther." It's nice to meet a tech genius who didn't spend the last two weeks testifying in Congress.

 

I saw that Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski just bought a race horse named Gronk. Yeah, they say he spends most of his time eating grass and chasing after birds, while the horse just kind of watches.

 

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Starbucks announced that they'll be closing 8,000 U.S. stores on May 29 for racial-bias training. Eight thousand stores -- that's almost all the locations on this block!

 

But I think Starbucks is doing the right thing. As Martin Luther King said, "I have a dream that one day the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will sit together at the table of brotherhood on really tall stools, provided they've ordered something."

 

Everyone is talking about Donald Trump's potentially epic summit with Kim Jong Un. It's the dispute of the ill-fitting suits! The men with nukes putting up their dukes!

 

Trump views the North Korea crisis as his "great man" of history moment. Yes, the greatest presidents end up on our currency. Donald Trump could end up on our hush money.

 

There are some doubts about the president's current attorney, Michael Cohen. Apparently, Trump and his advisers are increasingly worried that Cohen might be susceptible to co-operating with federal prosecutors. The obvious answer: Michael Cohen just pays himself $130,000 to shut up.

 

Jimmy Kimmel Live

If only Donald Trump were as tough on Russia as he is on his belt loops.

 

The big news today was the bigly anticipated release of former FBI director James Comey's book, in which he paints an unflattering portrait of his former boss. The president is said to be furious. The book combines the two things he hates most: criticism and reading.

 

"Scandal" premiered in 2012, back when the idea that a president would need a crisis manager seemed fantastic. That is obviously not the case anymore.