The Tonight Show: Jay Leno

Police have detained a suspect in a huge string of arson attacks. This guy was going around Los Angeles setting dozens of cars on fire. And he was setting the cars on fire the old-fashioned way: without a Lakers championship!

Rick Santorum's campaign is celebrating the Iowa caucuses with a pizza party. Here's the embarrassing part: it was delivered by Herman Cain.

Experts say traffic deaths are down because the bad economy means more cars are being repossessed, and all the unemployment means we don't have as many people driving to work. So you know what that means? The White House economic plan is also their highway safety plan!

Conan: Conan O'Brien

There's a plan for the Pentagon to cut almost half a trillion dollars from the military. The Pentagon plans to pay for future wars by divorcing Kobe Bryant.

Presidential candidate Rick Santorum is under fire for a remark he made in Iowa about black people. The remark has sparked outrage among Iowa's black community, otherwise known as Steve.

A Chicago man has been arrested for taking off all of his clothes in a movie theatre showing "Chipwrecked." It's being called the second most offensive thing kids had to see in that theatre.

The Late Show: David Letterman

Forty per cent of the people of Iowa are undecided about who to select as a Republican candidate for president. Thank goodness we have three dozen debates.

CBS News predicted the winner of the Iowa Republican caucuses: President Obama.

There's already controversy with the Iowa caucuses. About a half hour ago, they found eight more votes for Al Gore.

Live: Jimmy Kimmel

Do people still make New Year's resolutions? I feel like the advent of the Triple Double Oreo put an end to those but I could be wrong... My resolution this year is to do everything I can to help Kim Kardashian finally find love.

More Americans bought Christmas gifts online this year than ever before -- which means more Americans are returning gifts online than ever before.

They say the day people go back to work after the holidays was the most depressing day of the year. Funny thing: people who don't have jobs are depressed because they don't have one, and those of us who do are depressed that we do.

According to new poll done by "60 minutes," two percent of voters believe that Mitt Romney's real name, his real first name, is Mittens. That's true! If Romney legally changes his name to Mittens, he's got my vote. I would love to have a President Mittens. He should pick a bunch of baby cats to be his running mate.

Dakota Fanning is on the cover of the new Cosmo. She's only 17. To be on the cover of Cosmo, shouldn't you be old enough to drink one?

The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson

Near Antarctica, scientists just discovered some new undersea creatures. I believe this deep sea discovery is yet more evidence of the wonderful bio-diversity in our oceans that we have to clear out if we're going to get at that tasty crude oil.

It's a great day for this show -- it's the seventh anniversary! The show's age has finally reached the age of the audience's maturity level.

If I make a resolution, I'm not going to do it. I don't like anyone telling me what to do. Even if it's me telling me what to do. So I end up breaking resolutions because I like to rebel against myself.

Late Night: Jimmy Fallon

The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it's part of a new initiative called "Operation Regret This In Five Years."

President Obama's campaign has released a highlight reel of his top moments from 2011. The video's a little weird -- halfway through, it's taped over by Joe Biden's recording of "Yo Gabba Gabba."

A recent study found that cheese is healthier to eat than butter. In response, Americans were like, "Just to be safe, I'd better eat both!"

France apparently passed a new law that makes it harder to become a French citizen. Most people just get lazy and give up. At which point they're named a French citizen.

A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.

A man in Maryland says a flashlight on his iPhone helped save his life after he got lost during a hike. If you think that's cool, this morning, the "Angry Birds" app on my iPhone helped save me from three awkward conversations in the elevator.