Conan: Conan O'Brien

A 10-year-old girl saved her mom's life by using techniques she learned from watching "Grey's Anatomy." Apparently she saved her mom's life using cheesy dialogue and a Sarah McLachlan song.

Larry King says he wants to be cryogenically frozen when he dies. When asked why, Larry said, "I really miss the Ice Age."

It's been announced that Madonna is going to perform at halftime for the next Super Bowl. So even if the Panthers and the Jaguars don't make it to the Super Bowl, a cougar will.

Lady Gaga visited the White House. There was an awkward moment when Michelle Obama thanked her for the toaster and Lady Gaga said "That's my hat!"

Someone hacked into Facebook and leaked Mark Zuckerberg's private photos. When Zuckerberg found out that someone showed such a blatant disregard for privacy, he hired them.

India has suspended its plans to let a Walmart open in its country. The prime minister's exact words were "India will make your crappy clothes, but we won't buy them!"

In a new book, Donald Trump claims he deserves credit for helping to make Lady Gaga a star. Trump's exact quote was "It was my idea to go out in public with weird, crazy stuff on your head."

The Tonight Show: Jay Leno

Due to the bad economy, the Queen of England's salary will be frozen for the next four years. In fact to make ends meet, the queen is thinking of having a yard sale to get rid of a lot of stuff they don't use anymore - like Canada.

According to members of Saudi Arabia's highest religious council, allowing women to drive will cause them to lose their virginitiy. You know from my experience, it's not the driving that ends virginity, it's the parking!

The Late Show: David Letterman

Rod Blagojavich was sentenced to 14 years in prison. Here's how they broke it down: 5 years for corruption, nine years for appearing on "Celebrity Apprentice."

Live: Jimmy Kimmel

Now that he's back home Herman Cain's wife has a huge to-do list for him: 1. Clean out the garage. 2. Go live in it.

I play a fun drinking game while "Jersey Shore" is on. Every time I'm filled with despair for humanity, I drink.

The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson

Prohibition was a dark time. Alcohol was illegal and peppermint latte was not invented yet. How did people make it through the day?!

Alcohol was illegal in this country from 1919 to 1933. So for 14 long years, not a single person did karaoke. 

The former governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich got 14 years in prison. He will probably get time off for good hair. To give you an idea how long that is, take Kim Kardashian's marriage and add 14 years.

Late Night: Jimmy Fallon

Today is International Ninja Day, when people are encouraged to carry toy weapons and wear black masks. And as I found out the hard way, my bank wasn't celebrating it.

A designer in New York unveiled a bottle of perfume that costs $1 million. Yeah, a million bucks for a few ounces of liquid. Which explains its name: "Starbucks."

Dr. Phil just revealed that he helped perform his own vasectomy 30 years ago. In related news, never make small talk in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

Saturday Night Live Weekend Update: Seth Meyers

Engineers say that they have programmed a robot to recognize itself in the mirror, but it will only truly be human when it learns to hate what it sees.

A crematorium in Great Britain is planning to sell energy it produces during cremations to the country's national grid. So, sleep tight British children: your nightlights are powered by ghosts.

A new study shows that the average man thinks about sex 19 times a day, food 18 times a day and sleep 11 times a day. Which comes out to a surprising 48 thoughts a day, not bad.

State park officials in Texas are trying to stop the influx of wild donkeys that are crossing the border from Mexico and harming native plants. So the one time it would actually work, it doesn't occur to them to put up a fence.

Some conservative Muslim scholars in Saudi Arabia are concerned that if women are allowed to drive in their country that in 10 years there will be "no more virgins" in the kingdom. Yikes- how exactly do cars work over there?

A man in Utah was shot in the buttocks after his dog stepped on a shotgun he had set on the floor. Man, that guy's wife is gonna be so mad when she finds out the dog botched the hit!