Talk

The Late Show: David Letterman

It's raining like crazy in L.A. and there's flooding everywhere. So I'm thinking to myself, "Whoa! It's a good thing Conan is getting sandbagged."

Conan is getting $30 million to leave NBC. That's like getting a bonus to leave the Titanic!  

Ted Kennedy's Senate seat, which he had for many years, is now up for grabs. The election is pretty close, but my money is on Jay Leno.

Chrysler is having a recall. You know, I "recall" Chrysler ... didn't they used to make cars?

Chrysler is recalling 24,000 cars, there may be a problem with the brake system. I said to myself, "Holy crap, they sold 24,000 cars?! Well, good for them!"

The Jay Leno Show

Thanks for coming out on Dr. Martin Luther King's birthday. As you know, all the banks are closed. I understand tomorrow some of them might even reopen.

A big storm hit L.A. today. For the first time, there were more cancellations at LAX than there were on NBC.

There were so many rain clouds in L.A. today, I could barely see the dark cloud hanging over NBC.

Some good news for NBC! Conan O'Brien and I won a Golden Globe for Best Drama.

It's getting so expensive to check baggage that people who aren't even terrorists are hiding stuff in their underpants.

It's hard to believe that President Obama has now been in office for a year and it's incredible! He took something that was in terrible shape and brought it back from the brink of disaster: the Republican Party!

The Tonight Show: Conan O'Brien

NBC has a new slogan and the slogan is "More colorful." They may be telling the truth because they are about to get rid of the whitest guy on television.

There were rallies for me in cities across the country, including in Chicago. You can tell things are bad when even Cubs fans feel sorry for you.

Some people who have gone to see "Avatar" say it's caused them to have headaches, dizziness, nausea and blurry eyesight. Meanwhile, James Cameron says it's caused him to have a billion dollars.

A new $65 tour called the "L.A. Gang Tour" is being offered in Los Angeles that takes tourists through L.A.'s most dangerous neighbourhoods. The gang tour is also known by its other name: "A cab ride from the airport."

Earlier this week in California, a goat somehow got into a strip club and caused $2,000 worth of damage. Then it got up on stage and earned all that money back.

Live: Jimmy Kimmel

Sunday night was the Golden Globes. It was raining so badly, there was water spilling into the dress that Mariah Carey was spilling out of.

The cable news networks are talking about how much Obama's approval ratings have dropped. Rest assured, he is still the most popular African-American president in American history.

The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson

It's raining so hard here in L.A., I saw Jay Leno steal Conan's umbrella.

It was a nightmare in L.A. last night, and it wasn't the rain. It was because Mel Gibson was out on the road.

I'm not surprised at the success of "Avatar." People always like heroes that are brightly colored: The bright blue people in "Avatar," the light green guy in "Shrek," and the orange people on "Jersey Shore."

Late Night: Jimmy Fallon

Happy birthday to supermodel Kate Moss, she turned 36 this weekend. She celebrated by looking at a cake.

I read that many "Avatar" fans are naming their babies after characters from the movie. Even worse, obstetricians are now putting on 3-D glasses for the delivery.

There's a new iPhone app that alerts you if your spouse is trying to read your e-mails and text messages. Experts are calling it a revolutionary product. Meanwhile, Tiger's calling it "about two months too late."

Boston's Logan Airport will soon be offering free Wi-Fi to all its passengers. And in related news, Newark airport will soon be offering flights.