The Late Show: David Letterman

Happy birthday to Sarah Palin! John McCain did something very nice: he bought her a Toyota.

Everybody celebrates Valentine's Day, whether you want to or not. Even President Barack Obama -- the Republicans got together and bought him some candies for Valentine's Day that say "You lie" and "Not true."

You know who was at the Daytona 500? Former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin.  She was at the finish line, and she waved her checkered past.

The "Wolfman" movie opened today. It's about a guy who is half-human, half-beast, and it has a pretty happy ending: in the end, he's elected governor of California.

The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show at Madison Square Garden is tonight. One of the big events is the Going Nuts When the Doorbell Rings competition. Tomorrow night is Barking at a Dog on TV.

Big surprise today at the dog show: a rottweiler and a poodle won pairs in figure skating.

Happy Chinese New Year, it's the Year of the Tiger! I'm so stupid, I'm still writing "Year of the Ox" on my checks.

Film director Kevin Smith tried to fly on an airplane and was taken off for being too heavy. They patched it up and invited him to join the Mile-Wide Club.

The Canadian government is saying that because of the snow shortage in Vancouver, if you're shovelling your driveways, just Fedex it to them.

There's a bit of a scandal in men's figure skating at the Olympics. Three skaters have tested positive for "fabulous."

In curling, they get a 40 lb. granite stone and send it down the ice, and then they sweep the debris from in front of it. It's all the fun of shuffleboard, plus household chores.

Live: Jimmy Kimmel

The Winter Olympics are under way in Canada. Skiing, snowboarding, ice skating, these are not sports. They're vacation activities. I feel like I'm watching someone's home movies.

They showed the biathlon today -- a combination of cross-country skiing and shooting rifles, which is known to Sarah Palin as "commuting."

NBC has exclusive rights to the games, so we can’t show any footage from the Olympics. In fact, I’m not even supposed to say the word, "Olympics." That may have cost us $800,000 right there!

I watched this figure skater, Johnny Weir. He dresses very flamboyantly, which kind of reminds me of myself at his age. He's like the Lady Gaga of the Winter Olympics.

Tiger Woods called a press conference for Friday morning. Only select journalists will be invited and no questions will be taken. Essentially, we're going to listen to him read. Maybe he'll announce a new batch of mistresses for 2010?

The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson

Sarah Palin’s birthday is today. She remembered it by writing it on her hand. She blew out the candles on her cake. Well, not all of them -- she blew out half of them and then quit.

Scientists are saying that being bored can actually be bad for your health ... you should probably change the channel.

There's a 73-year-old man in Florida who has been charged with robbing the same bank three times. In his defence, he actually only robbed the bank once, he just went back twice to use the bathroom.

Late Night: Jimmy Fallon

American Airlines could face a $10-million fine for safety violations. It's a pretty big deal. In fact, Toyota's calling it "the mechanical failure story of the year that people should focus on."

Michelle Obama said that childhood obesity impacts national security because obesity is a common disqualifier for military service. That's great info for moms -- "Honey, you have two choices: you can eat that doughnut and play video games or you can eat this salad and go to Iraq."

A new study found that the Reebok Classic is the most popular shoe worn by burglars. The second most popular shoe worn by burglars? Yours.