The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson

"Twilight" is for young people, but that's why I don't like it. It sends a bad message -- it teaches young people that vampires have feelings and werewolves are sexy.

The "Muppet" movie has lots of celebrity cameos. It's easier to list who's not appearing in it than who's in it. Who's not in it? Me and Corey Feldman.

The word "Muppet" is a combination of "marionette" and "puppet," just like the word "mobster" is a combination of "man" and... "lobster"?

The common design for a Muppet is a very wide mouth and large protruding eyes. The same design they used for the Olson twins.

The Tonight Show: Jay Leno

That movie "Twilight" is breaking all kinds of box-office records. Kristen Stewart, who plays Bella in the film, said her wedding in front of the cameras felt like a real wedding. To which Kim Kardashian said, "So did mine!"

PETA says that turkeys today are now so fat, they can't stand up, they're prone to heart attacks and they have trouble mating. No, I'm sorry -- that's what the turkeys say about us!

New research out of the University of Notre Dame shows that the simple act of walking through a door can cause forgetfulness. That explains why a lot of guys forget they are married when they walk into a bar.

Herman Cain is the first Republican presidential candidate to get Secret Service protection. The level of protection a candidate gets depends on how well-known they are. For example, Jon Huntsman gets a 10-minute judo lesson and a plastic whistle.

Police say the terror suspect is a 27-year-old U.S. citizen who was originally from the Dominican Republic. Apparently, officials became suspicious when they found someone from the Dominican Republic living in New York and not playing for the New York Yankees.

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are getting a divorce. Well, there's quite an age difference: she's 49, he's 33... that's a full Bieber between them!

The Late Show: David Letterman

It used to be that when I was a kid and you were going to fly someplace, you would get dressed up, put on a tie and a jacket and you have a couple of martinis then you get on the plane... and that was just the pilot!

The suspected New York City bomber's mother apologized. She said she was terribly embarrassed by her son and... Oh, sorry, that's my mom. So the guy, he decides "I'm going to make a homemade bomb," and he goes to Home Depot. He's able to get everything he needs to build a bomb at Home Depot! I mean, when was the last time you found what you were looking for at Home Depot?

Live: Jimmy Kimmel

This is the 14th Republican debate, and there are still more to go. The plan, I think, is to keep debating until somebody recognizes Rick Santorum on the street.

The latest installment of "Twilight" made more than $140 million over the weekend. I have to say it's refreshing to finally see a story about wolves and teen pregnancy that doesn't involve the Palins.

I saw the "Twilight" movie and I'll tell you something: for someone who can't see himself in the mirror, Edward's hair looks amazing!

Late Night: Jimmy Fallon

Microsoft is apparently designing rooms for a hotel in France. You can tell the rooms are from Microsoft: every time you open the window, they just freeze and need to be reinstalled.

A Delta pilot caused a security alert after he got stuck in an airplane bathroom. But don't worry -- the guy who couldn't figure out a door handle eventually got out and went back to flying a giant airplane.

There's talk that Facebook is building its own smartphone. Not to be outdone, there's talk that MySpace is refurbishing an old beeper.

A recent survey showed that the average Facebook user has never met 7 per cent of their friends. The article came up in my newsfeed from my friend, the Dalai Lama.

President Obama came home after a nine-day trip to Asia. He got to see some stuff he never sees at home -- like jobs.

Last week, in New Hampshire, Herman Cain said that presidents don't need to know every detail of every country in the world, and he said he's going to take that message across America to all 30 states.

Herman Cain said that we should focus on our neighbor to the south, Mexico, and our neighbor to the north, Cold Mexico.