Conan: Conan O'Brien

A new study claims that four out of 10 Americans are now obese. The study was conducted by anyone working at a water park.

Three people have won the Mega Millions lottery. You know what that means -- three more votes for Mitt Romney.

Newt Gingrich said that Mitt Romney has no principles. In other words, he has given Romney his official endorsement.

ITunes has announced that a controversial app has been pulled after people said it was designed for stalkers. The developers said they would resubmit their app under its original name: Facebook.

 Oprah Winfrey's longtime boyfriend, Stedman Graham, has written a book about being proud of who you are. Not helping: the cover of the book says "Written by Oprah Winfrey's boyfriend."

President Obama admitted that he's a Trekkie. Although Trekkies say he doesn't qualify because he has a wife and a job.

In Maryland, the woman who claims she won the Mega Millions lottery claims she hid the ticket in the McDonald's where she works. To keep it from ever being found, she hid it inside one of their salads.

Nicolas Cage recently has paid the IRS $6 million of his $14-million tax bill. In the memo line of the check, Cage wrote down, "Two 'Ghost Riders' down, four more to go."

Dartmouth College has renamed their medical school after Dr. Seuss. Because nothing is better than hearing your doctor say: "You don't have cancer on your nose, you don't have cancer on your toes ... There is no cancer in your underwear, there is no cancer anywhere ... "

The Tonight Show: Jay Leno

There were three winning mega lotto tickets. I guess we're not sure who the three winners are yet, but when they do come forward, two things happen immediately: you get a call from the IRS asking for half, then you get a call from your friends and relatives asking for the other half.

Betty White has a new show on NBC called "Off Their Rockers," where senior citizens prank young people. It's kind of like what we're doing to them with Social Security.

According to Osama bin Laden's youngest wife, Cinnamon, bin Laden had four children with her while he was on the run. She said they'd meet, she'd get pregnant, then he would take off again. That doesn't sound like an al-Qaida leader -- it sounds like an NBA player!

The Supreme Court has ruled that anybody can be strip-searched for any kind of arrest. That's something to think about the next time you bring 12 items into a 10-Items-or-Less lane!

Live: Jimmy Kimmel

The Mega Millions jackpot added up to a record $656 million. Three people correctly picked all six numbers. Now the plan is to throw them into a pit of some kind and have them fight to the death.

The winning tickets were sold in Illinois, Kansas and Maryland. All we know is their first names are Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim.

The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson

What people are really talking about, of course, is the $650 million Mega Millions lottery. If you missed the drawing on Friday, the winning numbers were ... not yours.

If I won the Mega Millions, I'd buy an island. Not for me -- I'd send all the Kardashians on it and make them hunt each other.

Late Night: Jimmy Fallon

Mitt Romney's staffers played an April Fool's prank on him by staging a fake campaign event in an empty room -- or as Newt Gingrich put it, "My staff has been playing that prank on me for six months!"

I read that the odds of winning the Mega Millions jackpot were only 1 in 176 million -- or as most people put it, "Well, yeah, that's why I bought two!"

On Saturday, the Empire State Building went dark for an hour to draw attention to climate change. Of course, 10 endangered eagles then crashed into the building.